Dear Friendships,
To those of you who are true, who are worth the aches and growing pains, who have seen me through: thank you. There aren't many of you who have lasted through the death of my dad and seen me out the other side. There are even less who have lasted through my choice of life eternal and still wanted me as a companion. Of you, I can really only count four, outside of my own blood. To those of you who have stolen my heart within only minutes, I thank the Lord for you. I know it is him, for that is the only explanation for a love this quick and this deep. Thank you for understanding more of myself than I do most days. Thank you for being there, even if it's not daily, or even monthly, but you are there when I need you. And perhaps more importantly to my prideful heart, you come to me in your need. Either way, there is a silver string that connects us. And that is the only way that I can describe it. You are my soulmates, my heart friends, my people. Anywhere. To those of you who I consider precious, if I have told you so, you are. You are worth driving in the rain for a quick lunch. I think of sending you cards in the mail but I usually forget. You remind me of beauty and adventure. You can make me laugh and let me be myself and I love seeing more of who you are. There are a few of you who don't really fit. We have chosen each other, despite what life says. We come back because we care about each other - not because it's easy or because it makes sense. We feel more like family in that way, we chose and we love and we care so deeply. We are honest and sometimes we hurt each other and we definitely annoy each other but we chose again. We admire, look up to and lean on each other. We eat meals together. Perhaps we will outlast them all. To those of you who are dying: this is the hardest part I write. I cannot cling on to you and lose myself in the process. I cannot let these new blossoms die because you are taking the life from me. I am still here, if and when you need me, but you are no longer giving life, and so I have nothing to give. Thank you for what you have taught me, thank you for our joys and sorrows, thank you for showing me that it is okay for me to move on, for you will too. And for those who have been but a bit of laughter floating on wind, or a deep conversation in the dim light of a bar, or even just a friendofafriend whom I have admired. I hold you deeply in my heart and in my memory. I hope we see each other again someday, or at least that I will know someone who is a shadow of who you were.
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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