I am grateful for...
...soft lights and worship nights. ...laughing with Coral in the caf. ...three beautiful friends who take an hour out of their nights to address support letters with me. ...chocolate, especially from Holland or in the form of cake. ...Molly. She just loves me really well and reaches out and gives me what I need. She comes to my room for no reason at all, listens to me talk about what's hurting me, and wakes up at crazy hours just to come see me. ...rap music and the truth that it brings. ...Psalms. ...being done with my MCEA application and the fact that we have writing centers and people who just sit around helping my writing sound less like incoherent babble. ...phone conversations with my brother and hope for future sibling trips. ...my spontaneous friends throwing a wrench in my mundane Wednesdays. ...Alexi, who texts me encouragement because she knows how hard my Wednesdays are. ...the word hope, because I need to hear it all of the time. ...turtle necklaces and elephant sweatshirts. ...drawings that only God gets to see. ...those nights when Luke John prays peace and rest over me before I sleep. ...dreams about salt and sand and reminders that God created us all for a purpose, none better
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This is just a glimpse of the glorious day(s) that was my birthday. I absolutely love my birthday, because what is better than a day that celebrates life? I was extremely blessed on this day. Highlights include:
...coldstone with Jordan, sharing our hearts and eating a lot of really delicious ice cream. ...a surprise birthday-date with Luke. I really love spending time with that man, especially eating ribs. ...a funfetti cake baked by the same, he is just a regular rock galaxy. ...promises of future celebrations and seeing what will be my new favorite movie. ...waking up to a goat breakfast sammie (and leftover cake) with Meghan. ...driving to the cities with Jenna, Alexi, and Amy. We had some really solid conversations, blared Ben Howard about 40 times, and laughed quite a bit. ...going to lunch at Loring and purchased my first beer! Alexi and I devoured amazing sandwiches and got a free soufflé for dessert... yum. ...walking through the freezing cold, but beautiful city to get to pottery class. ...throwing my first pots, and learning that it is okay to mess up several times. ...going to caribou and starbucks for free coffee. Also the worker at Caribou just brought a lot of joy to my day. ...having Jenna make me and all of my friends an incredible dinner. I would pay serious bank for that dinner. Oh and that bread! Holy moly that was good stuff. ...eating long-awaited Jenna Stromberger cheesecake. She should be given a medal for all the celebrating she did for my birthday. Oy vey I am blessed by her. ...spending Sunday afternoon locked in my room with my phone off, doing art, praying, and listening to music. ...eating chocolate cake for dinner that my roommate made me. I got three cakes for my birthday, did you catch that? Wow I am lucky. Alexi made this beautiful video that shows highlights of the celebration. Give it a watch! These shoes
I really love these shoes They were given to me by Justin, who got them from Nathan, somehow they only fit me. #cinderellaswag They are durable enough to withstand snow. They are roomy enough to be worn with warm wool socks. They don't quite fit into any stereotypical shoe category. They are one of my favorite colors: brown. They are my "hoping-for-spring" shoes. They are super comfortable. They have bright burnt orange accents on them, which make me yearn to go out west. They get made fun of mercilessly by my friends, who call them my "duck bill shoes." They make my feet look even more disproportionately large. They are a reminder to hope for spring. So hope friends, hope. Because the day is near. For those days when you're feelin' gloomy. Give it a listen.
I have so much to be grateful for. I don't like the days when I walk around with my head down forgetting to be thankful for all the ways my God is blessing me. I want to drive around Kansas again someday, like the picture above. I am grateful for renewed dreams.
I am thankful for... ... Jenna's willingness to come whenever I need her and drive me anywhere. ... timely bagels when I don't go to the caf for breakfast. ... Justin buying us ice cream for lunch. ... learning that I'm not a failure for others not opening up. ... sunny day after sunny day after sunny day. ... snow falling in the mornings when I need reminders of grace. ... Coral inspiring me to go bootless yesterday. ... the way Molly smiled at me last night that showed me Jesus. ... birthday plans. ... peaceful inspiration in the piano room. ... an incredibly real talk with Coral during one of our Monday/Wednesday 4:45-5:50pm chats. Turns out this girl is learning the same lesson God's been teaching me for about 6 months now. It's called selfishness. ... a God who is faithful to finish what he started. ... a roommate who must not love me for what I do, for I do nothing and yet her love pours out on me. ... insurance that allows me to get an MRI on my knee. ... iPhones that remember all of the truth your friends have every texted you. ... a God who is near to the brokenhearted. ... long-distance friends that make the effort. (Holla Sam, Jenna, & Hannah!) ... exclamation marks, because those guys are just really happy!!! ... the fact that God is in charge of my future and not me. ... seeing Jenna's blog post. She told me she blogged about me, so I figured she mentioned my name. Nope, this girl wrote a whole post about me and I was open-mouthed reading about how she sees me. Holy wow. ... getting to see Alexi Speich in less than 2 days and on her favorite holiday too! FINALLY! ... this pizza I'm eating right now. Gotta love 3:30am snacks. ... Jordan freaking Gilbertson. Sometimes I just love that soul more than I can believe. I love that she visits me at 5:50am before she goes to work, I love that she always offers me chocolate, I love that she holds my hand and strokes my head when I don't feel well, I love that she is honest, I love that she understands me, but mostly, I love her unrelenting heart after God even when it is so hard. The thing about gratitude is that even when our circumstances don't seem to be ideal, we can still be grateful. Even when our hearts are heavy and we look around and see darkness, we can still praise God for what he is doing. The beautiful paradox about gratitude, like light, is that once it is present, it grows, and any darkness seems to fade as the light enters. I am grateful for... ...always knowing that I can go to Davies and see my friends. ...small conversations with Coral around campus. ...friends like Holland who blog about me even when I don't understand why they feel love towards me. ...my sister. Oh I am grateful for her. We have been talking nonstop for about 4 days and I don't know how I lived without it. Who else am I supposed to tell my stupid stories to, or complain about homework to, or just give everyday narratives to? Who else celebrates with me when I haven't showered in a week, haven't started my homework until midnight, and ate too many cookies in one day? We have a unique bond that I am ever-grateful for. This girl is kind of the best. ...my two-hour work shift where I got to know my boss Tamie so much better. ...Tuesday mornings spent reading Jeremiah and drinking dark coffee at Acoustic. ...Alexi's floral tights and how they inspired me to dress like it's spring for a day. ...free cookies at one job and free leftover pizza at another. Just give me food and I'm good. ...coming home to a sign on my door that says "Becca Zimmerman I like you! - Luke J. Gladis" in big letters. ...my beautiful roommate Ashley who says "Hey there, Daisy!" when I walk in the room. ...Elijah saying that cowboy boots were my trademark, more than my red hair. ...apples and shared pears. ...open arms. ...intimiate conversations on Tuesday afternoons by the fireplace. ...the way Alexi says "yes" to spending time with me before I even say when and where. I love that girl. ...days when I come home and my roommate has done my dishes. Seriously, she did my dishes. Who does that? I swear I hit the jackpot with this beautiful soul. ...Luke sacrificing his sleep to spend time with me at the front desk. I don't condone not sleeping, but seriously, this kid is kind of the best and I really like spending time with him. ...Dr. Stephens, his words of wisdom, and his hilarious stories. God, in the past week, you keep asking me to dream.
You have asked me through blog posts from my sisters Alexi and Coral. You have asked me through a letter from my brother Luke. You have asked me by giving me the weirdest little glimpse into my future. You have asked me through the repeated question "Where do you want to teach?" that all of my professors ask. You have asked me by causing me to get out my dream journal which has stared me in the face for 2 weeks until I couldn't stand it anymore and put it away. You have asked me through wit comm meetings that beg the question "What do you want this semester to look like?" You have asked me through questions like "What would your dream date be?" and "What would you buy if you won the lottery?" You have asked me through the obligation of creating a new and enticing dessert. You have whispered these words through the big and the small. I feel like I am sunk at the bottom of a deep dark ocean and I am swimming with no idea as to where the surface might be. "Seek the light" they say, but this far down, there is no light to be seen. My arms and legs suddenly become heavy and leaden as the oxygen begins to escape from my body. I am fighting, resisting; my mind screams as panic overwhelms me. I need to breathe again. I need to feel the warmth of the sun touch my face. I want to resurface, but this far down, even seeing the light of day again seems unreachable. |
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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