So as Sam & I were discussing what the purpose of engagement is (people keep telling us there is one, without actually telling us what it is), he made an excellent point that this is the last time in our lives we will ever be "single" (like the unmarried type of single). "We will never again not have been married, once we are married." Hashtag flawless logic. He said maybe engagment is a time of mourning the loss of our lives as single people. I think I can get on board with that, but I have a hard time "mourning" something I currently have. So instead, I am going to be grateful for it! Grateful for being in these dorms, grateful for not moving away, grateful for not yet having to start a new life as a wife and homemaker and just getting to be me, now. I am grateful for... ...hearing Holland's laugh down the hall and getting to run and see her. ...nights alone in my bed where I get crazy lonely and Jesus meets me in powerful ways. ...getting to press snooze a gazillion times when my roommate isn't around. hashtag sleeeep. ...nights spent up late talking to Molly or giving her back massages. ...eating with a crowd of at least 3 in the mornings. ...I get to do my own laundry (just saying, this is a high value). ...being within walking distance of Jordan & Audrey's and getting to go there thrice this week! ...farting whenever I want. (I'm just being real.) ...not having to do dishes every stinkin' day. ...silence. ...seeing the same people every morning on my way to the bathroom. ...so easily being able to serve those around me, like walking Adam's bike to the shop to get air. taking my camera out on the first warm day Cadott's got some beauty, who knew. Old doors and blue paint are my thing. These are my good friends Holland and Alexi. As you can tell by this photo, I am a champ at taking selfies.
0 Comments
Yesterday, I was a bit of a bridezilla.
Not in the "wear that $500 dress or I'll kill you" way, but in the "nothing-is-going-right-my-life-is-ending" way. So I called my sister. (Because your sister is the person you go to when you need wisdom... and when you're pretty sure you probably don't have any friends, because it's just one of those days that you believe that.) "We don't have a venue." "You'll get it figured out, what else is going on?" "School is hard." "Who can you work on it with? Who can support you?" "Mostly I just feel like I'm in a funk and I'm not happy or giddy and I don't want a wedding, I just want to be married and not put up with any of this lacy madness." It's true. I am in a funk. I'm ready to be married, but I'm not ready to go through the "weee you're going to have a wedding!" squeals and excitement of bridesmaid dresses and deciding what my decorations will be. I'm still a little like, "Wait, what? I'm getting married? ME? But wives have, like, skills... and sanity." Ahem. Lie. (I mean I'm sure some do.) I do not have to have everything figured out for Sam to marry me. And it's okay for me to not be okay right now, in this season. School is crazy stressful, I'm studying abroad in two months, my family is going through changes, I'm moving to a different city, I'm planning a wedding, and I'm about to join my messy life with another human's mess. That is hard. It is okay for it to be hard. Someday I will be the blushing, gleeful, pee-my-pants-excited bride, but I'm not right now. I am going to allow myself to be in the season I am in and not feel guilty for how I am feeling. |
Archives
December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
|