Today...
... Anna woke me up by rubbing my back and cooking us steel cut oats. ...I had long, confusing conversations about witnessing. ...my rollerblades went up and down the same street a dozen times. ...pie from Norske nook though... ...I petted a kitty. ...Grandma told me the story of her and my Grandfather's courtship. ...the delicious taste of Sierra turkey from Panera filled my mouth. ...I read letters from a man I really like. ...InterVarsity staff let me into their Monday night dinner which made me laugh a lot a lot. ...Cameron's stories made me die from laugher. And his lactose farts. ...dark chocolate covered strawberries. ...I remembered I am provided for in BIG ways. ...Anna and I exchanged lavender oil back massages while watching friends. I LOVE THIS PLACE.
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Said Adam as he stopped to smell a flower while walking in Beijing.
I found these things to be important ...hospitality ...trees, even in the streets ...fitting a lot of people on the bus ...tea at every meal ...knowing how to use chopsticks ...physical touch with the same gender ...exercise ...hard beds ...Americans But these things were less important ...toilet paper ...toilets ...flushing toilets ...the difference between 1 banana and 1 kilo of bananas ...physical touch with the opposite gender ...air conditioning ...shower doors ..."healthy" foods ...ice cubes ...starting events "on time" I stepped closer to the paining and immediately I lost the picture. All I saw were specks of paint and large brush strokes. My eye caught a blue streak amongst the green. "It doesn't make sense. It doesn't fit in to the larger picture. It's surrounded by green and it's confusing that it is here." "It is a part of a larger picture. It does have a purpose, even surrounded by all green. Back up and see the whole thing. I have you where I want you, be content in that, but be focused on me not on the loneliness of your blue streak. I have a good plan for your future, rest and peace, green and solitude, like this picture. But until then, be content with where I have you and how I will use you." Because on June 5th, God spoke to me through a painting in an art exhibit. [I've started to process China more intentionally lately. There will be a few posts about it. Unfortunately, there is only so much I can say. I would really appreciate talking about it more at length if you are interested.]
This summer is the first time I've been unemployed since I was 14. I'm tempted to feel lazy or unproductive or to feel that this summer is going to be wasted. But there have been a lot of ways that I have been blessed with little to do this summer. I want to remember the little things, the ways I've enjoyed God in this time.
I want to remember... ...wearing skirts and dresses every day. ...going on hour-long morning walks with my dog. ...the sight of my journal and bible on my futon bringing me joy as I remember the time I will have there the next morning. ...making the swaggon mine, aka putting an EC sticker and a pine ridge necklace on the mirror. ...doing lay ups in my driveway. ...exploring the hippie ways of essential oils, no poo, and various kinds of nut oil on my skin. ...waking up before 8am every day. ...the way there always seem to be cherry tomatoes by my fridge to snack on. ...enjoying a LOT of sunshine, with 50 SPF sunscreen of course. ...sitting on the floating picnic table and enjoying the company of others my age. ...organizing and purging all of my stuff. ...the really good conversation with my Aunt Mary about the pebble I brought back from China. ...Brioche french toast and conversations about ministry at SAP. ...people who keep buying me lunch (Jillian) and dinner (Michelle) or just feed me in general. ...the crazy amounts of berries and peaches I've eaten. ...skype, facetime, and phone conversations catching up with so many of my friends. I am grateful for you, my friend. Because of you...
...I wear a helmet every time I bike. ...dogs and old people are kind of exciting and if I see an old person walking a dog, it makes my day. ...I am learning that question asking is something I need to get better at. ...sometimes I go in my driveway and try to do lay-ups. ...ferris wheels make me giddy. ...I get angry at the man. ...I'm learning that my words have power and I can't just say whatever I want, because you will ask about it. ...reading is something I occasionally do for rest. ...I know it's okay to just sit and do nothing at times. ...waiting for the mailman to come is an actual activity, like I'm 5 again. ...my love for the Beatles has been slightly reincarnated. ...hippie points are a thing, even if they are performative. ...sometimes I blog even when I don't really feel like it just because I know you will be reading. (So thanks for reading. I hope you know how much you mean to me. I am grateful for you.) God, I thank you for giving me dear friends who simultaneously spur me on to be more like I am created and manage to get me outside of my comfort zone and try new things or rediscover things I once loved. Thank you for constantly reminding me that I am loved and accepted just as I am. Thank you for reminding me that I was not created to be alone and for placing people along my path and in my life to love me. Help me to love them as you do and to care for them as you do; help me to place them into your hands, for I am imperfect at loving them and caring for them, and insufficient at being all that they need. |
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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