,I am so thankful for my community and how it blesses me. This week, Sam is gone on a spiritual formation retreat (which I am stoked that he gets to go to - it sounds amazing) and it is our first time being apart since we got married over three months ago. My nerves increased as his absence grew nearer, but I have been surprised by how God & his people have been blessing me. I love my community because... ...Lexie will almost always text me to follow up when I am dealing with something difficult. ...Holland brought me a dozen organic eggs just because. ONE DOZEN! ...Jordan & Holland came and spent an evening with me so I wouldn't be alone. They even did the dishes for me after we were done eating. ...Holland stayed the night even after I mentioned my school's lice outbreak. (I don't have lice, Holland, I PROMISE!) Then, she made my bed in the morning. What a gal. ...Alexi made me these two beautiful CDs that I haven't fully listened to, but the second song starts out with just melodic piano and it makes my soul melt. Also, she wrote "I love you, Becca" on the outside, and that was just about the most wonderful thing to read today. ...SJ's most kind (and gorgeous) sister (who I currently cannot remember the name of) sold me some delicious bread at Great Harvest today and she said I was going to be a fantastic teacher. ...Anna, my pastor's wife, texted me just to check in and see how I was doing with Sam gone. ...Jordan listened to me gab about nothing on the phone while she stood outside in the freezing rain just because she knew I was lonely. ...Holland gave me a free hot chocolate at TCG & told me to cozy up. One thing I'm really coming to love about my community is that it keeps. on. growing. And not only that, but I continue to learn from my growing community. Daily, I am being reassured, that I am not the only one who struggles to be alone and desires community. We were made this way. And that is something to be grateful for. So much love for these beautiful people.
Photocredit: Anna Mateffy
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Hooray for lazy days with my hubband! Also, today's olive green sweater IS the same as yesterdays... Day three:
feeling: warm, comfortable, and a bit lazy. also, proud that I biked today! emoting: contentment & a bit of creative energy bubbling up inside. listening: to my husband deliberate about instrument buying/selling. it's a lifelong struggle. waiting: for dinner. bruschetta & white wine. whaaaa...? wondering: how to revamp my blog. because it's gonna happen. especially my picture. NEED NEW. dreaming: about making pumpkin chocolate chip muffins. I'll go do that in about 5 minutes. wishing: that I had a nice glass of water to drink right now. the perils of laziness. thankful: for my dear friend Jordan. she is a life to celebrate! also, probably one of the most kind/insightful/BEAUTIFUL humans I have ever met. go stroke her hair sometime, she loves it. eating: nothing. though, Sam and I did just devour some hippie honey graham crackers from the Love With Food package we got from Lily for our wedding. #bestgiftever craving: a smoothie! I saw some scrumptious looking smoothie recipes this morn that I want to try. hoping: that Sam will forgive me for the inappropriate use of lowercase letters in this post. reading: cookbooks! particularly a vegan one I have. I love the no-meat, no-dairy part, but some of the recipes are so darn complex! what happened to a good old fashioned bean burrito?! grateful: that I might get to see the one & only Alexi Rae tomorrow. hashtag holla. thinking: about sending some letters this afternoon. because that's a fun activity. I promise that the olive green sweater I am wearing today is a different one than I wore yesterday! Day two:
feeling: slightly hungry. a comfortable sort of warm. emoting: EXCITEMENT! because today I am submitting my edtpa. 2 & 1/2 of my life: right there. listening: to this beautiful EP of covers by two of my favorite voices ever! waiting: to go back to China. but also, wondering: if I would love it as much without the team that I first went with. dreaming: about walking in the woods, collecting sweet sap from trees at LCO. wishing: that I still went to UWEC and still got to see those I love at least once a week, if not once a day. also, more than anything that Molly Bray was back here because I just love her so much. thankful: for the day off! and for time to submit this beast because apparently, I am tied to my computer for 2 hours while uploading happens. also, for the opportunity to read :) eating: currently: starburst. later: the most delicious thai butternut squash soup. yum! craving: the above soup. also, goat cheese sandwiches/breakfast sandwiches from the goat. it is all I can think about when I am in Eau Claire. hoping: that Sam will forgive me for the inappropriate use of lowercase letters in this post. reading: all of Isaac's old blog posts. also, a book about the moon by H.G. Wells. hilarious. grateful: that Lexie is my friend and that she texts me and sends me delightful things in the mail. thinking: about how much I don't like unknown days like today, but also how grateful I am to just have a day to soak up being in this city I still sometimes like to call "home." So there is this temptation to become dissatisfied with who I am as a wife, woman, blogger. Because I see these other women and they have long hair and beautiful white homes and incredible talents and they have chickens and herb gardens and I am filled with envious desire. So instead of giving in to the temptation to frame my life with words and images that imitate theirs, I am going to attempt to be real. Day one: feeling: like my back hurts because I did ab ripper x for the first time in 9 months and I'm sore. emoting: anxiety because my homework is yet undone and I want my husband to come home. listening: to the sound of my drippy faucet as it has been now for five months. #worsthippie waiting: for the day when I get to be the teacher. and have my students sit in a circle. dreaming: about owning chickens. and eating the rest of my peanut butter chocolate ice cream. wishing: I could see my friends, or any type of community, more than once a week. thankful: for this beautiful home and abundance of provision and a night alone to just do & be. eating: the worst meal I've probably ever created. sauteed sweet corn and gnocci. I don't know. craving: popcorn with chocolate & sea salt caramel. so chocolate, basically. all the chocolate. hoping: that I will one day feel the confidence of a teacher with integrity. reading: a book about teachers with integrity. it is so inspiring. grateful: that I don't have to be to school until 9am tomorrow #slowmorning thinking: that it is probably time to go grocery shopping. we need eggs. (again, or chickens!) tempted to: fix my hair. cover up that zit. try smiling less freaky. turn the camera to show off my hipster coffee bag that I stole out of a dumpster. (what?). adjust the yellow lighting. so this is real.
So lately, I've been thinking long and hard and deep about what it really means to be a teacher. I've been thinking about what sort of teacher I'd like to be. I've been thinking about why on earth there are so many teachers who claim to love their jobs, but spend most waking moments complaining about that very thing. Here are the top complaints I hear from teachers: 1. administration 2. the students not "doing enough" or "trying hard enough" 3. parents who are uninvolved 4. the "cycle of curriculum" or "pendulum of thought" that we, as educators, apparently go through all of the freaking time because no one can figure out what the magical teaching cure is. Except that there are several methods that have proven to be true over the last 5 decades, but that's probably all just hogwash, so why bother trying it, because it's kind of hard, and I have a "certain way of doing things."
If there is one thing that GETS MY GOAT it is teachers that don't care. Or don't try. Or give up. Or lack the knowledge. Or lack the training. The greatest goat-getter is teachers who have given up hope. Let me say this again. If you are a teacher who has stopped hoping - get out now. Yesterday, in response to the fact that some schools have stopped teaching how to write in cursive (literally, who cares?!), I heard a teacher say "our society is doomed." Really - because kids no longer can write in cursive? I won't remark too much more on that topic, but her statement really got to me. Why is she still teaching if our society is apparently doomed? After a days and a half worth of thought I have this declaration of commitment: If education is a sinking ship, I am NOT going down with it. I will keep fighting. When all other teachers gossip, I won't give in. When other teachers nag, criticize, and blame the students, I will spend my energy seeking solutions. (While teachers talk through trainings, I will probably be in the back making snarky remarks, because that is just who I am and I'll probably still understand the information because God made my brain good. #truth) Anyway, save for that final digression, I really do. I want to be one of the good ones. |
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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