“Autism … offers a chance for us to glimpse an awe-filled vision of the world that might otherwise pass us by,” Dr. Colin Zimbleman, Ph.D. Dear Dad- I'm not really sure I need to write to you anymore, but I think I'd still like to. I miss your shrimp plate and your gremlin toenails because right now these are the things that I think of in relation to Thanksgiving. Dear Judy, Mary & Kate- Thank you for being exponentially smarter than me and reminding me of how little I know. I know so little about caring for and educating and being an advocate for children with Autism, but I saw a glimpse in the past few days that gives me hope for being better. Dear Alexi - I've been visiting your little corner of the interwebs a lot more frequently as of late and it feels like it's really been feeding my soul. I also looked at your blog from 2013 (hah!) and it made me realize how much I look up to you! I imitated many of the ways that you lived life and displayed in on that blog. I'm very thankful to know you, such a ray of sun you are to me. See you at the party of the century! Dear Sam - Things that you do that make me feel special include: cooking our dinners, doing 1,000 dishes each day, working as a fry cook to help pay those bills, playing acoustic guitar when I'm home, and listening to albums I send you. I am constantly overwhelmed with how greatly you bless me.
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If any of you know Alexi Speich, you know that she could kick all our butts when it comes to being grateful. Girl is posting every day in November about what she's grateful for. Seriously. As for me, I'm in a season where I haven't been grateful for a whole lot. For the first time since college, I've been real-life busy and real-life stressed and I've let it become a fog settling in my brain. But thank Jesus for people like Lex, who remind us to be grateful and to seek out the parts of our day where we see the hand of God and how he is loving us. One of the times I'm most grateful for this month: the packed house at Sam's first gig. Here are nineteen things I'm grateful for on the nineteenth of November.
1. Sam's gig on Friday night that was overflowing with people I love and cherish. Felt like a birthday party or a wedding or something! Plus, Sam was a studhorse, so that's good too. 2. Nights with friends and good port wines and coziness and laughter abounding. 3. I'm actually loving the early darkness, which I'd never thought I'd say.... it's so cozy now! 4. We get to have communion every Sunday morning, which is so sacred. 5. I discovered that amazon prime music is a thing, so I spent the morning creating playlists named after what coffee drink I would order depending on what mood I'm in. Meaning: I now have a playlist entitled "Almond Milk Cafe Au Lait" so that's pretty pretentious. 6. Last night I had a party at my home and over half of the people there are new friends from this new hometown of mine. And I didn't even realize that I had friends until that happened. 7. I am now the proud owner of THREE (3) pairs of pants that actually fit my skinnytall legs. 8. Sam and I discovered how to make lattes using a small french press so basically our lives are now #doperthanyours 9. Apple cinnamon cheerios because #glutenfree and #secondcerealfirst (Matt & Rachel) 10. I GET TO SEE MY SISTER IN JUST A FEW SHORT DAYS AS WELL AS MY GRANDMA :) 11. Thursday night chats with my mother where we are both just where we are. (Read: tired.) 12. Jane the Virgin because I always thought it was a stupid show, but turns out, I love it. 13. When my coworkers and I exchange stories that leave happy tears in our eyes. Also, that Bill is willing to share his sweet and salty caramel peanut butter chocolate combos. 14. Sweet friends who know me and love me and hug me. Emily, Lily, Mary, Alley, Anna, Megan, Holland, Isaac, Rachel, Jake... loved seeing these people this weekend. 15. Child Protective Services actually being able to do the hardest, but sometimes most important part of their job. 16. Duke, the cow who gave his all so that we could have meatballs and pot roasts and delicious hamburgers to go alongside our sweet potato fries. 17. That listening to Christmas music and putting up decorations is just around the corner! 18. My morning walks to work and the crispness of air, startling my face awake. 19. The beauty of pictures and the contrast of the color of plants against white. Thanks God. I ran across this photo this morning and really felt inspired to write about this period of my life.
This photo was taken in a kind of "awakening" period of my college life. That winter had marked the most difficult bout of anxiety I've ever experienced and the spring brought an unexpected breakup coinciding with the three-year anniversary of my dad's death. Needless to say, I was not in a great place. But I had fantastic friends who listened to what I was going through, or took me to the movie that boyfriend had promised to take me to, or just sat with me and painted and gave me strawberry ice cream. I joined a faux-rock band including five college men from my school, (and no women). Despite, or perhaps because of, the difficult winter, I had decided to join the group traveling across the world to perform in a makeshift band at an music and arts school. The men in the band and the music we created, alongside the melting snow and warmer sun, began to shift me into a better place. And soon, I began falling for one of those music-playing men. (If you consult my former journals, I suppose re-falling might be a more appropriate term.) At first, I was earnestly just pursuing the friendship of someone I trusted and knew I'd soon be jetting off to China with. When anything other than fear, doubt, or false guilt was speaking, I was really, really crazy for this guy. He was stable, a listener, cared enough to know me, and (as I eagerly told my mother) a feminist! The photo above was the first photo we took together. I was insanely nervous (note my awkward hands), but also giddy with joy. We had spent the afternoon rehearsing with our faux-rock band, preparing for an annual banquet that evening. After rehearsal, I stepped into the bathroom to change. When I came out, he was standing at the end of the hallway, hands on his face mouthing "wow." I got to watch him perform and got to stand alongside him and sing. At the end of the evening, I tracked him down while he was doing dishes to try and get a photo together. That night felt like a serious step forward and is one of my most precious memories with my now husband of two years. |
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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