The biggest part of owning a home is recognizing which things you should DIY and which ones you shouldn't. Here's my list.* *This list is entirely based off of my own failures & frustrations and not based off of reality/truth.
This post is mostly just to acknowledge and laugh at all of the difficulties Sam and I (and our friends who save our sorry butts) have been through in the last 3 1/2 months of owning our home.
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Beginning of the year vs end of the year. #keepitcasual #wemadeit #ithinkifeel10yearsoldernow Today was the last day with students for the year. It feels somehow anti-climactic. It's been a frustrating week. As a special education teacher, most of my students spend much of their day in their regular education classrooms. Once the academics slow (read: we stopped teaching anything starting Monday), my job becomes more and more pointless. I spent almost an entire day in a third grade room just to have somewhere to be, to feel like I had a little purpose. Sure I had paperwork, and I could be organizing or emptying my room (closet), but really there wasn't much left in me to do that kind of thing. I need the contact with the kiddos to make my job feel worthwhile!
Today was the last day and I didn't get to say goodbye to any of my students. They check-out with their general ed teachers after our school picnic and then they're gone for the summer. It was a tough way to end the year. It is also strange trying to pack up my room for next year, because I've never had a next year. This is the first time in my 4 years of last-days-of-school that I will be coming back to that school again in three months. In a lot of ways, it's a relief to not have to start over, again. But at the same time there's a lot more pressure for me to be good at this, since I've already had my infamous "first year" experience. There are some positives too. Our SPED team is really strong. I have a great list of students and teachers that I will be working with next year and I think we've restructured our program well. I've come out the other side of debates with several co-workers and my boss and I think it's made me stronger. I got 3's on all of my evals, except in the area of organization & planning, where I got a 4 (insert fake gasp here). I think I figured out how to arrange my room in a way that will work really well, allow me a small desk so I don't have to sit at the same height as 7-year-olds all day, and stop the incessant blowing of the overhead fan. My mindfulness co-coach and I have some incredible ideas to start off the year next year. I guess, all of that to say, I'm looking forward to next year. I'm excited about the possibilities for education and about continuing to build positive relationships. The last week of school though? I think it totally blows.
making : hopefully some gluten free pumpkin muffins to support my flo (cyclesynching for the win!)
cooking : omelettes with Sam, just like we used to do on Sundays back when we were dating :) drinking : homemade hot chocolate: cocoa powder, coconut milk, cinnamon, chocolate chips for good measure reading : the second book in the Wrinkle in Time Series, I want to read The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen, because my very wise friend Holland recommended that to me yesterday wanting : a little desk for our front porch. Just something tiny that I can tuck a few things away in & write some letters on and have a space to create. Ideally, an antique secretary desk that somehow only costs $20 :) playing : Beyonce's Lemonade album on our 1970s stereo with the 1990s CD player haha looking : for a new crockpot recipe we can make each week. Hopefully something involving tacos! wasting : a lot of epsom salts in my baths. perhaps not a waste, but I am out & that is sad. wishing : I had pipes like Beyonce. enjoying : having a roommate/someone living with us. It livens things up and I really appreciate her. liking : that it's still light out for several hours after i'm done working! (Stolen from Alexi, but just too true!) waiting : for actual spring? To sit on my back patio and dig my hands through some dirt to repot all of my sad houseplants & douse them in some water and organic fertilizer so that they can make it through another year wondering : how I will possibly be able to run a half marathon in four weeks. loving : that I get to see my dear sister (who just climbed Mt. Kilamanjaro!) this weekend. FINALLY! hoping : to continue, with diligence, being a loving & responsive teacher with high expectations marveling : at the conversation I had with Holland yesterday and how she knows me so deeply and has great wisdom and insight. I can't believe the depth & breadth of conversations we had in two hours yesterday. needing : a friend, who is not a mom and not a college student, right here in my own town. Lord, please. smelling : my sweet conditioner from the bath I just took! wearing : a new black shirt that I got from goodwill that is unlike anything I usually wear (read: fitted) following : the moon phases, really diligently. I did a new moon meditation today, which I sincerely enjoyed & was refreshed by. Also, I almost fell asleep during it, but that's fine, right? noticing : that my body responds better to weight training than running distances. what a relief. Here's to no more half marathons for a while. :) knowing : the truth of the unconditional & immeasurable love of God and the beauty of his omnipresence. feeling : like I should maybe take an instagram fast. Or just a step back. I am too consumed by what I think others may think of me, which feels pretty demoralizing & not what my soul needs. Anyone else? Today
Borrowed cars, Syllables taught through poetry Sam bought me candy This Month Lexie's string cheese clip Running again, easier Cold salads, hot baths This Life Dear husband of mine An eternal perspective People, places, things How Sabbath Has LookedI've been ruminating on this post for a while, and after a fairly wonderful sabbath, I feel it's the time to write. Last semester, Sam and I were up to our eyeballs in events, obligations, weddings, parties, you name it. We both breathed a huge sigh of relief when winter break rolled around and we had nothing on the calendar for months. I have absolutely loved the time at home - especially Saturdays, when I am productive. I make a solid breakfast, clean the house, do some meal prep, work out, and oftentimes see a friend. Saturday night is when our Sabbath begins, and although there is nothing more satisfying than a good meal and a movie to end a day of work, Saturday night has been just about the only part of my Sabbath that I enjoy. Sunday looms. I dread my day of rest. It's a combination of "I have the WHOLE day with NOTHING planned" and "Tomorrow I have to go back to work... for five whole days." (Don't get me wrong, I love my job, I just get more anxious about it when I'm not there doing it.) I've been wanting to, honestly, hate my Sabbaths less. I guess I've never thought twice about having a Sabbath. I think I began doing it sophmore year of college because the Bible said I should and I've never really skipped it, save a week here or there. It has gained meaning over the years, especially from a sermon I heard when we were visiting Boston. The Pastor preached that the Sabbath was for us to rest, recreate, and reflect. Those three words gave me the structure I longed for and helped me to realize what I was missing - reflection. Last Sunday was a Sabbath low for me. Sure enough, 2:00 rolled around like clockwork and I was bored, antsy, and beginning to have full-on Sunday evening blues. I completely impulsively threw on some hiking clothes and dragged Sam to a (sort of) nearby state park to go on a winter hike. I managed to salvage that Sunday, but as we were driving, my dear husband (after I pleaded with him to fix my problem) suggested that I come up with a plan for my Sabbaths, since planning is basically 100% of how I function. I had been thinking the same thing and was glad that planning Sabbaths ahead of time seemed to be allowed. I decided to plan my Sabbaths in two ways: first, a general manifesto of what I would like my Sabbath days to generally look like, and second, a concrete plan of a few things I would do, decided upon before Sunday. Sabbath Refocus - A Quote From Margaret FeinbergSabbath isn't about what is done or left undone, as much as breathing in the goodness of God. The more I inhaled, the more I desired another long breath. Sabbath ManifestoI find that Sabbath days can be best spent when I... ...begin & end with prayer ...spend time outside (preferrably in nature) ...do some yoga ...journal & reflect ...eat a few treats (but not foods that I am intolerant too, I've done it and regretted it) ...eat fruit and drink plenty of water ...create calm spaces with candles, incense, coffee, and music ...avoid "consumerism" - mindless purchasing & mindless online scrolling ...create something ...spend a bit of time with good people ...end my Sabbath with an hour or two left to prepare for the week ...in everything, create a space to hear and a space to breathe A Sabbath Well SpentI don't expect that every Sunday I will feel like I kicked-butt at having a Sabbath. Just like not every quiet time feels like I'm moving Spiritual mountains. The point is in the discipline more so than the outcome. God has given us the Sabbath and asked us to honor the Sabbath, so I desire to follow that regardless of my own comfort/success/happiness/perfection. That being said, here's how my Sabbath was well-spent today. Putting on some soft music and doing yoga & journaling with some incense burning. Baking a process-type bread (cinnamon raisin, gluten-free) that I had to wait to rise, bake & cool. Eating homemade leftover curry with Sam - in front of the window instead of in front of the TV. Enjoying the aforementioned cinnamon raisin bread with a collagen vanilla latte and a good book. Sam and I also played a few rounds of Catan, did some dishes, and will be heading to spend a few hours at a Superbowl party tonight. I planned a little outdoor hike in Eau Claire, but unfortunately it is too cold for that business. Tonight when we get home, I will make some meals/snacks for the week, journal to reflect on my weekend/week ahead, pack my lunch & work bag, and call my sister, my favorite Sunday night routine.
So a lot of people asked me about my new years resolution or have been encouraging me in it, so I wanted to post a one-month update. If you missed the new years resolution post, you can read about it here.
Honestly, the first thing I tell people when they ask about it, is how much of a relief it is to not spend money. I know that probably sounds really backwards, but it takes a lot of the decision making out of life. I now drive past a Target or a coffee shop and instead of the inner-battle of "Do I stop?" I just never do. It's kind of easy, actually, to not shop. The hardest part is probably social activities. A friend invited me to go out for lunch, I invited her over to my house instead. No big deal. But when a friend invited Sam and I to an event that we had to buy tickets for, I didn't really know how to say no. We had talked in the past about going to this event and Sam and I haven't gotten to spend much time with her, so it felt like an okay place to spend. (She ended up getting sick, so none of us went.) I really am not sure what to do about this. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm open! What I missed spending money on the most was coffee. I get really stir crazy in the winter and I wanted to go to a coffee shop about 42 times. Sam and I sometimes rearrange our furniture and make coffee to pretend we are going out to a coffee shop - he's the best sport. It was also tough when we had something MAJOR to celebrate, but we couldn't go out and get a drink or anything. Sam snagged some french fries from work and I make little cocktails at home and we made a picnic on our living room floor, so it turned out alright. So did I spend money? We spent money this month on fish liver oil (yum.), flowers for a birthday gift, toothpaste, dish soap, shampoo, and a gift card for a coworker who was leaving the school. All less than $80. Normally in a month, we spend about $200 on non-food/gas/bills related expenses. It was so liberating to have money left over at the end of the month! The one "cheat" was actually just today. I got craaaazy antsy and we decided to drive over to Willow River State Park and buy an annual state park pass (we can use that baby for 12 months since we got it so early this year!) which we would have bought sometime this year anyway. $28 - literally such a good deal, go get one! Above: friends Trent & Lexie at Justin & Kayla's wedding, picnic spot, sibs & s/o's after the escape room, friends/family at Sam's first gig, a morning reminder, Sam's first time playing at an open mic: so many fans! Favorite New Experiences
1. Teaching Special Education... complete with my own caseload & woes. 2. Watching Sam play gigs at local coffee shops & seeing him so supported 3. Marching in a peace march organized by some mover & shaker friends 4. Volunteering at an InterVarsity conference with Sam 5. Hosting my immediate family at our home for brunch and a kayaking trip down the Red Cedar 6. Morel hunting with the Kosters :) 7. Co-hosting a bridal shower for Holland with my partner-in-crime Alexi 8. Successfully escaping from a Mars-themed escape room with 57 seconds to spare! Favorite New Routines 1. Summertime picnics 2. Going to the farmers market and picking out seasonal produce to make recipes from my seasonal cookbook 3. Walking to work 4. Yoga & meditation each morning Travels 1. Visiting Matt & Laura in Chicago - myopic books, arcade bar, late-night concert & donuts 2. Garrett's Engagement party down in Winneconne, followed by a stay at Appletree Lane B&B in Waupaca 3. Driving to Duluth with Rachel to watch several family members run the Grandma's marathon 4. Taking a group of rambunctious and hilarious college students to China 5. Christmas at Matt & Laura's home with Rachel & Holly, later mom & Dan 6. The 8 weddings we went to this year! Recipes 1. Chicken taco soup 2. Gluten free cornbread 3. Salmon cakes 4. Easy gf biscuits (can be customized to be savory or sweet) 5. Black Bean Chocolate Cake with Sweet Potato Frosting Music Review 1. In concert: The Blind Boys of Alabama & Irma Thomas (October 27) 2. Album: "North EP" Reservoir (I'm late on the uptake) 3. Artist: Janelle Monae 4. Playlist: "An Autumn Stroll" (via Amazon Prime Music) 5. Song: Natural Blue - Julie Byrne Best Reads 1. Simple Matters - Erin Boyle 2. Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them (Screenplay) - J.K. Rowling 3. I Am Malala - Malala Yousafzai 4. Roll of Thunder Hear My Cry - Mildred D. Taylor 5. Crispin - Avi 6. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood 7. Will Grayson, Will Grayson - John Green 8. Reading with Patrick - Michelle Kuo 9. Wellness Mama Cookbook - Katie Wells 10. Forest Feast Gatherings - Erin Gleeson Best Discoveries 1. The "law of attraction" planner. Not my "lifelong" planner yet, but my first goal-based planner 2. Thrive Market - best deals on organic/sustainable products! Making me cancel my Amazon prime subscription. *If you are interested in trying it, use this link to get 25% off your first order! http://thrv.me/simpleandsincere 3. Insight Timer - Meditation App with guided meditation & a timer I use to do sun salutations daily 4. Habit Bull App - My current habit tracker, I've been through 3 this year & settled here happily Looking forward to in 2018 1. Finding a house to make a home! 2. Learning how to cut tiles 3. Teaching summer school classes in writing & traveling 4. Running my third half marathon... really aiming for sub 2:00 this time! 5. Going on a spending "fast" as a way of saving money & reorienting my thinking/impulses The SeasonAs the first half(ish) of the school year is wrapping up, my mind turns backwards in reflection of all that has been. Truthfully, if you've talked to me in the last few months, you'll know that this season of my life has not been easy. In this season, I've struggled greatly with my new job. There have been conflicts, and gads of "learning moments" and more mistakes made then I think I've ever known I could be capable of making. There have been staffing issues and more work than typical first year sped teachers are given to bear. This new teaching position has also meant significantly less time at home, less time running the household, less time caring for & loving my husband. It has meant that there are parts of myself that I feel that I have lost and I have been continually mourning. And to add to all of that, there is the guilt that I know that I am not living as I should. Seeing my friends making marriage vows to one another or get engaged is a constant reminder of how I am falling short within my own marriage. I haven't done anything awful, I just have been absent: physically, mentally. Sam has been so gracious with me, but I fail to carry a lot of that grace over to myself. Things are getting better, both in the situational sense & just in how I am choosing to deal with my circumstances. I don't just say that to give a happy ending to this post, because this has been a very hard fall; I say that because I am finally through the storm far enough to take a breath and reflect. The BeautyTo get to the point of this post... there have been some really beautiful things these past 4 months. Here they are...
...walking to work most mornings before it got #wintersolstice dark. ...working out on Monday & Thursday evenings and literally seeing my muscles get bigger! ...eating steel cut oats & drinking black coffee each & every morning. ...my almost-daily routine of yoga & meditation. ...hosting ALLL of the parties in our home. It's been one a month so far and each one has been such a joy. ...rereading the twilight series was one of the highlights of September/October. ...quiet evenings at home watching Netflix shows that make me cry while Sam works night shifts. ...going to eat Sam's french fries when he works night shifts. ...trainings/conferences for work where I feel like I am a sponge soaking up relevant information. (#notcollege) ...my terrific co-workers who bring power saws to work for me, buy me combos, and dress up on twin day with me. ...having Sam doing the cooking & grocery shopping and sharing some of the "emotional labor" of the household. ...homemade lattes, eggnog, and hot chocolate. ...seeing family often & friends more than I could have ever hoped with all of these weddings! “Autism … offers a chance for us to glimpse an awe-filled vision of the world that might otherwise pass us by,” Dr. Colin Zimbleman, Ph.D. Dear Dad- I'm not really sure I need to write to you anymore, but I think I'd still like to. I miss your shrimp plate and your gremlin toenails because right now these are the things that I think of in relation to Thanksgiving. Dear Judy, Mary & Kate- Thank you for being exponentially smarter than me and reminding me of how little I know. I know so little about caring for and educating and being an advocate for children with Autism, but I saw a glimpse in the past few days that gives me hope for being better. Dear Alexi - I've been visiting your little corner of the interwebs a lot more frequently as of late and it feels like it's really been feeding my soul. I also looked at your blog from 2013 (hah!) and it made me realize how much I look up to you! I imitated many of the ways that you lived life and displayed in on that blog. I'm very thankful to know you, such a ray of sun you are to me. See you at the party of the century! Dear Sam - Things that you do that make me feel special include: cooking our dinners, doing 1,000 dishes each day, working as a fry cook to help pay those bills, playing acoustic guitar when I'm home, and listening to albums I send you. I am constantly overwhelmed with how greatly you bless me.
If any of you know Alexi Speich, you know that she could kick all our butts when it comes to being grateful. Girl is posting every day in November about what she's grateful for. Seriously. As for me, I'm in a season where I haven't been grateful for a whole lot. For the first time since college, I've been real-life busy and real-life stressed and I've let it become a fog settling in my brain. But thank Jesus for people like Lex, who remind us to be grateful and to seek out the parts of our day where we see the hand of God and how he is loving us. One of the times I'm most grateful for this month: the packed house at Sam's first gig. Here are nineteen things I'm grateful for on the nineteenth of November.
1. Sam's gig on Friday night that was overflowing with people I love and cherish. Felt like a birthday party or a wedding or something! Plus, Sam was a studhorse, so that's good too. 2. Nights with friends and good port wines and coziness and laughter abounding. 3. I'm actually loving the early darkness, which I'd never thought I'd say.... it's so cozy now! 4. We get to have communion every Sunday morning, which is so sacred. 5. I discovered that amazon prime music is a thing, so I spent the morning creating playlists named after what coffee drink I would order depending on what mood I'm in. Meaning: I now have a playlist entitled "Almond Milk Cafe Au Lait" so that's pretty pretentious. 6. Last night I had a party at my home and over half of the people there are new friends from this new hometown of mine. And I didn't even realize that I had friends until that happened. 7. I am now the proud owner of THREE (3) pairs of pants that actually fit my skinnytall legs. 8. Sam and I discovered how to make lattes using a small french press so basically our lives are now #doperthanyours 9. Apple cinnamon cheerios because #glutenfree and #secondcerealfirst (Matt & Rachel) 10. I GET TO SEE MY SISTER IN JUST A FEW SHORT DAYS AS WELL AS MY GRANDMA :) 11. Thursday night chats with my mother where we are both just where we are. (Read: tired.) 12. Jane the Virgin because I always thought it was a stupid show, but turns out, I love it. 13. When my coworkers and I exchange stories that leave happy tears in our eyes. Also, that Bill is willing to share his sweet and salty caramel peanut butter chocolate combos. 14. Sweet friends who know me and love me and hug me. Emily, Lily, Mary, Alley, Anna, Megan, Holland, Isaac, Rachel, Jake... loved seeing these people this weekend. 15. Child Protective Services actually being able to do the hardest, but sometimes most important part of their job. 16. Duke, the cow who gave his all so that we could have meatballs and pot roasts and delicious hamburgers to go alongside our sweet potato fries. 17. That listening to Christmas music and putting up decorations is just around the corner! 18. My morning walks to work and the crispness of air, startling my face awake. 19. The beauty of pictures and the contrast of the color of plants against white. Thanks God. I ran across this photo this morning and really felt inspired to write about this period of my life.
This photo was taken in a kind of "awakening" period of my college life. That winter had marked the most difficult bout of anxiety I've ever experienced and the spring brought an unexpected breakup coinciding with the three-year anniversary of my dad's death. Needless to say, I was not in a great place. But I had fantastic friends who listened to what I was going through, or took me to the movie that boyfriend had promised to take me to, or just sat with me and painted and gave me strawberry ice cream. I joined a faux-rock band including five college men from my school, (and no women). Despite, or perhaps because of, the difficult winter, I had decided to join the group traveling across the world to perform in a makeshift band at an music and arts school. The men in the band and the music we created, alongside the melting snow and warmer sun, began to shift me into a better place. And soon, I began falling for one of those music-playing men. (If you consult my former journals, I suppose re-falling might be a more appropriate term.) At first, I was earnestly just pursuing the friendship of someone I trusted and knew I'd soon be jetting off to China with. When anything other than fear, doubt, or false guilt was speaking, I was really, really crazy for this guy. He was stable, a listener, cared enough to know me, and (as I eagerly told my mother) a feminist! The photo above was the first photo we took together. I was insanely nervous (note my awkward hands), but also giddy with joy. We had spent the afternoon rehearsing with our faux-rock band, preparing for an annual banquet that evening. After rehearsal, I stepped into the bathroom to change. When I came out, he was standing at the end of the hallway, hands on his face mouthing "wow." I got to watch him perform and got to stand alongside him and sing. At the end of the evening, I tracked him down while he was doing dishes to try and get a photo together. That night felt like a serious step forward and is one of my most precious memories with my now husband of two years. Girls weekend with these three is always the best! We made oilz and looked at too much Lularoe and went to the Mall of America... Lexie won $100 worth of free rides so we all rode until we were too motion sick. If there are people I can be totally myself around outside of my family it's them.
Sam and I spent an evening with our long lost daughter, Alley. I love this genuine, loving, hard working soul more than I can express. It saddens me that we don't get to see her very often, but every time we do I'm amazed at how much she's grown into who she is. My favorite simple pleasure of the week is going to the farmers market with my canvas bag and filling it full of $20 worth of produce and then coming home and putting everything in pretty containers and filling our refrigerator for the week. Such a satisfying life sustaining activity. Each day I try to finda moment of joy in a pretty joyless job. This little built a farm and she told me where each of the animals would go, both in and out of the barn. (Also, according to our school rules, Kinders are not supposed to have any play time anymore. Isn't that the saddest thing you've ever heard?) Why?As I head into my third (can that be real?) year of teaching, I've come to realize how important self-care is. And, how unpopular it is to actually practice. It is not uncommon at a school to hear people complain-bragging about how they were there until 8 or 9 the night before. It is not uncommon to feel guilty about leaving at 4:00... when we are contracted to leave. It is not uncommon to feel like less of a "super teacher" if you don't spend the time having matching bulletin boards and name tags and a themed room. I'm sure these same feelings of comparison are similar in many other fields as well. I don't doubt that teachers are the only ones out there who are overworked and who have to stay well past 40 hours/week to actually do the job that is expected of them. But here's the thing about self care: it should be our number one priority. (Cue gasping. But what about the children!?!) I mean it though, I really do! During the past few weeks of inservice, we've had people come in to tell us how important curriculum is. How important diversified instruction is. How important collaboration is. Integrating the arts. Writing good IEPs. Behavior interventions. And it goes on and on and on. Even the speakers telling us about "mindfulness" and "wellness" who claimed to be for us, even they instructed us on how we should be teaching social and emotional learning. No one will be looking out primarily for your OWN self care. That is why YOU need to! (This is as much a reminder to myself as it is to others. I forget this on the daily.) [Insert corny picture of person sitting next to a child putting their own oxygen mask on first.] How?As much as self-care is important, learning how to do your OWN self care is also crucial. For me, it means meditation in the mornings, regular exercise, eating healthy foods, and walking to and from work each day. It means talking to good friends, practicing hobbies in the evenings, and getting enough sleep each night. It also means boundaries. Meaning, I'll take a lunch break each day unless there are dire circumstances. I will leave work to be home in time to make and eat dinner with my husband. I will chose not to check work emails at home. And, when I inevitably think about work (okay, stress about work) at home, I will gently remind myself, without self-judgement, "This can wait until tomorrow. I do not need to worry about this right now. I am not working now." A Final ThoughtIf you chose self-care, you may not be the "super teacher" who has a beautiful insta feed and wins annual awards. You may not be the super accountant or super programmer or super fill-in-the-blank.
But you will have something better. A whole, balanced, and satisfying life that is not based solely on the work you preform. As I heard in a great sermon this weekend "Why sacrifice what only you can do, for something somebody else can do?" meaning, I am the only one who can be a wife to Sam. I am not compromising that for the role of SPED teacher, a job many other people can & will do. My life is not my job. I chose a full life. I chose self care. This morning brings a rare opportunity - time awake before Sam is up. Unfortunately, it is because he was sick throughout the night, but I am thankful he is resting now. After traveling to Asia for the last 5 weeks, Sam and I are blissfully home! Here are some things I have missed...
...COOKING! Chopping veggies, putting the compost in the freezer, figuring out how to use cast iron to make my eggs do what I want - I've missed it all. Oh, my kitchen! ...amazon. Am I so basic for having this be the second thing? It is just so convenient and we often have gift cards/credit card points. I got new kitchen scissors, a funnel, and a mesh strainer yesterday (for $2.89 out of pocket) and I am anxiously awaiting their arrival. ...the RAW DEAL - aka the best coffee shop known to man. Sitting in there and sipping a lavender iced latte yesterday was a highlight. (Even though I lost at chess 3 times in a row.) ...sweet potatoes. I've already had them a few times. I went to Hot Pot while we were gone and was excited to see a sliced sweet potato on the conveyor belt. When I dug the cooked orange disk out of my boiling pot, it turned out to be a carrot. Major sad face. ...communication. Holy disconnected batman. Two of my best friends made some major life decisions while I was gone and it was really hard not being there while this was happening. I missed weekly phone calls with my mom and being able to text my sister or Lexie every mundane or exciting thing that happened throughout my day. ...the farmers market! I am so excited to go today. I am going to get veggies & eggs & boba tea, because they didn't have any in Asia (the irony). ...seeing Sam's family! I'm used to visiting on the reg, especially in the summertime - we see them almost weekly, sometimes more! Sweet Ann left flowers, chocolate, and snacks hidden throughout our apartment, not to mention a refrigerator full of groceries. Soooo thankful. ...sitting down to the breakfast table with a cup of coffee made by my incredible husband. Do you know how good coffee is? It is very, very, very good. I love coffee. Oh, hey there. It's been a little while. I've started dabbling with the idea of a new blog, focused on health, natural living, and sustainability, which has distracted me from this space. I do enjoy blogging here, I just haven't decided if I want to keep putting my energy into this, especially when I have a growing passion for learning and educating others about the benefits of natural living. Anyway, here's a little summer-so-far catch up. We'll be gone for the month of July, so this'll be it until August, for sure.
Another great date night, a steak (free) and ice cream ($2) picnic while watching Jared in a Shakespeare in the park play (free) - loved getting out and doing this. One of my favorite nights... I was feeling down and Sam brought me flowers and ice cream and we had a picnic and went to an outdoor concert. Relaxing nights at home, reading "The Able Life of Cody Jane" or watching Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix (weird, good reflection of society, hilarious).
Occasionalky, the sun will set on an evening well spent.
...time on the couch eating salt and pepper chips and chatting about social justice and dreaming about the future. ...a neck and neck game of cribbage. ...pumping up bike tires. ...successful Visa troubleshooting. ...a cornbread, fruit & veggie picnic in the park less than a block from home. ...guitars played. Blog posts written. ...a beautiful sky and an episode of 30 Rock to close the day. This Wednesday I am thankful for...
...a 1 am thunderstorm wake up call and the hour of peace that comes only in His arms ...the beautiful sounds of Jon Thurlow... No one else gets to me quite like him. ...memories of 3 years ago when Sam and I were first learning how to be an "us" ...the kindness of my Pastor's wife, Anna, as she invited me to dinner and into their home. ...canceled plans that lead to spontaneous trips to the raw deal for decaf Americanos and chocolate treats. ...lilacs everywhere. ...that my students are in tuned to me enough to not act out when I come in quiet and solemn. ...for a coworker that is a cross between a mom and a good friend and that I trust her enough to cry in her room ...yellow legal pads that are like yellow telephones from the book Landline. ...the routine of making the same breakfast and lunch every day and using the same 4 glass containers to pack the food. ...sweet texts from my mother in law warning me about the horrid weather approaching ...the past being the past, new things being new ...his resurrection. Humans are imperfect, and unfortunately, that includes me.These lilacs are more than perfect... These last 24 hours have been rough. I stayed up late staring at a computer screen until my contacts dried out, something I haven't done since college, trying to get our Visa applications semi-organized. I realized something I had temporarily forgotten: humans are the worst at perfection.
I think I found 2 Visas of the 11 that were error free. This does not include my own, or the one I wrote for Sam. See? I told you I'm imperfect too. I retyped Visa after Visa, often having to reprint them after I realized I'd made yet another mistake on the retyped copy. After school, my google chat never showed, nor did someone I thought was supposed to come over. Turns out I was on time for the google chat and a day early for that visitor. Oops. I think the lesson Im supposed to be learning from all of this is that I shouldn't get as angry with others for their mistakes as I do. Sometimes, I start to think I'm a superior person, but I am just as careless and thoughtless as others. It it does me no good to feel sad for having no "goodbye" note from Sam when I didn't take the time to write and sneak one into his suitcase either. I am am level with others. No better. No more moral. Maybe better at making pesto pizza, but I'm too congested to tell. Heres my reminder, to you, to me, to all humans and crappy canon printers alike: humble thyself. A few pictures from this beautiful spring day... Reading in one of my favorite places - the library gardens! Just me taking a fake nap on some concrete... OH MY GOODNESS... I can't even get over how beautiful spring is. Nothing tops these blossoms.
Finishing the race & faking the smile. Rachel was so sweet and ran with me to the end! My true hot mess spirit. Also, the tattoos done by 5th and 6th grade artists kept me going! Dear Sam,
Today, I ran the worst 13.1 miles I've ever ran. Either the heat or something I ate made me feel like I had a giant rock in my stomach. The most frustrating part was when for about 3 miles, I kept getting passed over and over again. Your family was there to cheer me on with a sign that says "Fueled By Organic Tacos" and one with Leslie Knope's face on it. They know me so well. Rachel ran around the city to support me at 4 spots in the race. #killinit After the race I was a HOT MESS but by 1 I pulled myself together for a burger and chips at Logjam. I got a jerk burger in your honor, and because it's a rad mix of tacos and burgers!!! We met up with a friend who had just gotten done playing 1860s baseball. We need to go see the Menomonie Blue Caps ASAP. I made another Hello Fresh meal, it was sad eating it without you. But it was also pesto chicken and roasted potatoes, so it was delicious. I hope you're enjoying your time by the shores of Lake Heron! I'm sure you're not getting enough sleep and drinking too much crappy coffee. Hopefully there's also some nerf basketball. I'll see you soon! Bleh. I really didn't want to have to write this post, but last night an 18-year-old got me #superconvicted.
She was talking about women and social media and how when we use sites like instagram and pinterest we become obsessed with the photos and pursuing them. (Luckily, not me... ever.) I thought it was interesting that she highlighted these two sites, but really, it's true - these sites are full of images which as so distorted or framed or taken out of reality. I am so guilty of this! There is something to be said about being positive and focusing on the good and not showing the reality of your mess and I HEAR that, but on the other hand, we look at these pictures and we scroll through and we assume that it IS reality. We recognize it is not, but somehow we still pursue perfection as if it is attainable. What kept skipping over and over in my mind is this, "What am I going to tell my daughter someday?" Am I going to tell her that I spent hours scrolling through pictures of people (bloggers & mamas & teachers & foodies) that I don't even know instead of living a life worth living? There are so many things I could be doing other than being on instagram - reading, writing letters, BLOGGING, talking to my husband, being present. I can't decide if it's more cliche to use social media and think its not an issue or to quit it. But I suppose I'd rather quit it and be more intentional about being present than not be a cliche. So lately, the weekdays have been bumming me out. In school, with summer fast approaching, everyone is DONE. Parents are done playing nice. Students are done doing their homework, handing it in, or being respectful. Teachers are done coming up with new lessons. I am done brushing my teeth and getting out the door on time. But the weekends... oh the weekends they are GLORIOUS! Especially with the weather we've been having. We got to celebrate Garrett and Anna's engagement party with LOADS of my dearest friends from high school. These people are like my family! I loved seeing them, laughing with them, trying to play bags with them... Oh, and obviously smoldering. I do not know how to do this. We finally stayed at a B&B! We relaxed in a whirlpool, ate a hearty farm-style breakfast, and drank coffee on the porch! Also, the bathroom had a fancy gold-trimmed mirror that made me feel like a British movie star. Sam romping around by the river that was near the B&B we stayed in. Such a glorious, sunny, Easter day. We visited Hannah & Joel and went on a mushroom hunt! We also made a pretty magnificent rendition of "The First Morel" on the way. This here was our first mushroom find! It was not a morel, sadly. Since Sam's committed to being g-free, we've decided to replace our donut adventures with coffee adventures! Each new city we travel to we will get a cup of regular joe plus whatever the barista recommends, and take a picture of the table we would have sat at if we would stay. I chose this one because of the sun & the breeze. If you were within a 10 mile radius of me this weekend, you probably heard me yelling about how much I love these trees. BUT LOOK AT THEM! Those white blossoms against that blue sky... it is SPRING! This isn't a weekend... but it is a VERY cute cat that's been hanging out under our school's modular.
Got another rough (& semi-rude) parent email again today. So I went back to make sure I had documentation of issues for our upcoming meeting. Here's the comedy...
September: Lots of credit to you as a WONDERFUL teacher...., you are doing a fabulous job in attributing to his success!! Forever grateful.... October: First and foremost, I GREATLY appreciate all you do, and definately all your patience!! You are doing what your calling is.... November; Again, THANK-YOU for all you do!! December - February: Radio silence April: He isnt being pushed near as hard as his teacher last year, therefore the bar isn't high enough so he is taking lazy way out... I told him you better be thankful Im not your teacher, LOL. Where have all the good times gone? Every year, there is a day that distinguishes itself as the first "great" day of spring. It's that day when you finally believe summer is coming and you think of all of the amazing things you could do with all of that sunshine and warmth. Yesterday, was that day.
Yesterday we... ...played our first game of Tennis! (1-5... don't ask me how we scored it, it is wrong.) ...drank some lemonade out of glass bottles ...had foot races! ...enjoyed the light of 8pm ...watched a good bit of 30 Rock. ...saw some green grass. ...wore shorts! ...admired pretty pink flowers. ...thanked God for one day of peace surrounded by days of chaos! |
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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