As I was doing the dishes this morning, I had a thought. Ever since church last Sunday, I've had a great deal less anxiety about my future purpose, what I'm doing with my life now, and even my value as a person. These are pesky anxious thoughts that have been bombarding me almost since moving here to Menomonie; they were probably concurrent with the ending stress of traveling/moving/wedding planning as well as the transition of leaving college and my ministry with InterVarsity.
But this morning, the thought kept ringing through my head: You were not made to feel anxiety all of the time about not doing enough, not being enough, or not performing well enough. Sometimes I think that I am supposed to feel anxiety, as if that anxiety stirs me on to more and better things. It does, in fact, stir me on to do more. But if I am not doing more in the name of the Lord and with full dependence on him, the work that I do is meaningless. It drains me. It only leaves me feeling more anxiety rather than feeling that I am finally doing enough. I am not saying that the Lord doesn't ever spur in us to do more than we are doing. I believe in the conviction of the Holy Spirit and I believe that God calls us to certain things. I also believe in being faithful in what we are already doing, even if we don't necessarily feel "called" to it. But I am saying that I am not made to live in anxiety every day about not being enough. How freeing that is.
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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