The SeasonAs the first half(ish) of the school year is wrapping up, my mind turns backwards in reflection of all that has been. Truthfully, if you've talked to me in the last few months, you'll know that this season of my life has not been easy. In this season, I've struggled greatly with my new job. There have been conflicts, and gads of "learning moments" and more mistakes made then I think I've ever known I could be capable of making. There have been staffing issues and more work than typical first year sped teachers are given to bear. This new teaching position has also meant significantly less time at home, less time running the household, less time caring for & loving my husband. It has meant that there are parts of myself that I feel that I have lost and I have been continually mourning. And to add to all of that, there is the guilt that I know that I am not living as I should. Seeing my friends making marriage vows to one another or get engaged is a constant reminder of how I am falling short within my own marriage. I haven't done anything awful, I just have been absent: physically, mentally. Sam has been so gracious with me, but I fail to carry a lot of that grace over to myself. Things are getting better, both in the situational sense & just in how I am choosing to deal with my circumstances. I don't just say that to give a happy ending to this post, because this has been a very hard fall; I say that because I am finally through the storm far enough to take a breath and reflect. The BeautyTo get to the point of this post... there have been some really beautiful things these past 4 months. Here they are...
...walking to work most mornings before it got #wintersolstice dark. ...working out on Monday & Thursday evenings and literally seeing my muscles get bigger! ...eating steel cut oats & drinking black coffee each & every morning. ...my almost-daily routine of yoga & meditation. ...hosting ALLL of the parties in our home. It's been one a month so far and each one has been such a joy. ...rereading the twilight series was one of the highlights of September/October. ...quiet evenings at home watching Netflix shows that make me cry while Sam works night shifts. ...going to eat Sam's french fries when he works night shifts. ...trainings/conferences for work where I feel like I am a sponge soaking up relevant information. (#notcollege) ...my terrific co-workers who bring power saws to work for me, buy me combos, and dress up on twin day with me. ...having Sam doing the cooking & grocery shopping and sharing some of the "emotional labor" of the household. ...homemade lattes, eggnog, and hot chocolate. ...seeing family often & friends more than I could have ever hoped with all of these weddings!
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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