Yesterday, I was a bit of a bridezilla.
Not in the "wear that $500 dress or I'll kill you" way, but in the "nothing-is-going-right-my-life-is-ending" way. So I called my sister. (Because your sister is the person you go to when you need wisdom... and when you're pretty sure you probably don't have any friends, because it's just one of those days that you believe that.) "We don't have a venue." "You'll get it figured out, what else is going on?" "School is hard." "Who can you work on it with? Who can support you?" "Mostly I just feel like I'm in a funk and I'm not happy or giddy and I don't want a wedding, I just want to be married and not put up with any of this lacy madness." It's true. I am in a funk. I'm ready to be married, but I'm not ready to go through the "weee you're going to have a wedding!" squeals and excitement of bridesmaid dresses and deciding what my decorations will be. I'm still a little like, "Wait, what? I'm getting married? ME? But wives have, like, skills... and sanity." Ahem. Lie. (I mean I'm sure some do.) I do not have to have everything figured out for Sam to marry me. And it's okay for me to not be okay right now, in this season. School is crazy stressful, I'm studying abroad in two months, my family is going through changes, I'm moving to a different city, I'm planning a wedding, and I'm about to join my messy life with another human's mess. That is hard. It is okay for it to be hard. Someday I will be the blushing, gleeful, pee-my-pants-excited bride, but I'm not right now. I am going to allow myself to be in the season I am in and not feel guilty for how I am feeling.
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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