This post was supposed to be written about 8 months ago. My brother got me a gift for Christmas – a bountiful check with the condition that I “do something I’ve always wanted to do and blog about it.” I chose pottery. I was so excited: I signed up for the class, roped my dear friend Alexi into it, and drove to the cities on my birthday with my painting flannel and paint pants on, ready to get down and dirty, slinging some clay. My teacher was exactly what you would expect, a long braid down the back of her neck, a simple t-shirt, and clay-stained jeans. She had grown up in the neighborhood, learning how to make pottery at this clay center for most of her life. I loved how beautiful this small community, admist a larger community was. The skill levels of everyone in my class varied greatly. There were first-timers, young and old; there were those who owned their own pottery wheel and were just here for the community. Alexi had some experience, but claimed to be a bit rusty. The teacher sat down at the wheel, her students forming a tight half-circle a safe distance from the wheel. She showed us how to center the clay, how to work it into shapes, and how to mess up. This is called a rainbow. It’s what we make when we mess up – it spreads the clay out so that it can dry again. You will mess up. Everybody is required to make at least one rainbow. Some people make 3 or 4 or even 6 rainbows. Did I hear her right? I am required to make a mistake? I’m not going to make a rainbow – I’m going to wow everyone. I thought stubbornly. To probably absolutely no one’s surprise, I messed up. I made a rainbow. In fact – I made 6 rainbows that day. I kept trying to think of how God was teaching me through these darn rainbows.
I tried to connect it to him being the potter, but never making mistakes. I tried to connect it to the rainbow and Noah and all that, but it didn’t really work. God doesn’t make clay rainbows, because he doesn’t screw up. But he does make real rainbows because he is God and he puts those things up in the sky. So about 8 months later, I finally made the connection. I am not only allowed to make rainbows, I am expected to create rainbows. I forget so often that I am human, that I am allowed to make mistakes, and that people actually expect it. I forget that I am allowed to fail and that I'm not perfect. I forget that I am learning. I have been learning to remember that I am allowed to make mistakes, that I am human, that perfection is not just hard, but impossible. I have been stuck so long in the lies of perfection that it's actually a lot harder to live in the truth of being allowed to mess up or not do everything right all of the time. I am not capable. I AM DETERMINED. That means I can keep working hard and trying, but I don't have to be perfect. That means I can hope, look forward, and live tenaciously as I was created to be. [Also, I really love doing pottery and I can't wait until I get to imperfectly sling clay again.]
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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