God, in the past week, you keep asking me to dream.
You have asked me through blog posts from my sisters Alexi and Coral. You have asked me through a letter from my brother Luke. You have asked me by giving me the weirdest little glimpse into my future. You have asked me through the repeated question "Where do you want to teach?" that all of my professors ask. You have asked me by causing me to get out my dream journal which has stared me in the face for 2 weeks until I couldn't stand it anymore and put it away. You have asked me through wit comm meetings that beg the question "What do you want this semester to look like?" You have asked me through questions like "What would your dream date be?" and "What would you buy if you won the lottery?" You have asked me through the obligation of creating a new and enticing dessert. You have whispered these words through the big and the small. I feel like I am sunk at the bottom of a deep dark ocean and I am swimming with no idea as to where the surface might be. "Seek the light" they say, but this far down, there is no light to be seen. My arms and legs suddenly become heavy and leaden as the oxygen begins to escape from my body. I am fighting, resisting; my mind screams as panic overwhelms me. I need to breathe again. I need to feel the warmth of the sun touch my face. I want to resurface, but this far down, even seeing the light of day again seems unreachable.
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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