So there is this temptation to become dissatisfied with who I am as a wife, woman, blogger. Because I see these other women and they have long hair and beautiful white homes and incredible talents and they have chickens and herb gardens and I am filled with envious desire. So instead of giving in to the temptation to frame my life with words and images that imitate theirs, I am going to attempt to be real. Day one: feeling: like my back hurts because I did ab ripper x for the first time in 9 months and I'm sore. emoting: anxiety because my homework is yet undone and I want my husband to come home. listening: to the sound of my drippy faucet as it has been now for five months. #worsthippie waiting: for the day when I get to be the teacher. and have my students sit in a circle. dreaming: about owning chickens. and eating the rest of my peanut butter chocolate ice cream. wishing: I could see my friends, or any type of community, more than once a week. thankful: for this beautiful home and abundance of provision and a night alone to just do & be. eating: the worst meal I've probably ever created. sauteed sweet corn and gnocci. I don't know. craving: popcorn with chocolate & sea salt caramel. so chocolate, basically. all the chocolate. hoping: that I will one day feel the confidence of a teacher with integrity. reading: a book about teachers with integrity. it is so inspiring. grateful: that I don't have to be to school until 9am tomorrow #slowmorning thinking: that it is probably time to go grocery shopping. we need eggs. (again, or chickens!) tempted to: fix my hair. cover up that zit. try smiling less freaky. turn the camera to show off my hipster coffee bag that I stole out of a dumpster. (what?). adjust the yellow lighting. so this is real.
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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