I ran across this photo this morning and really felt inspired to write about this period of my life.
This photo was taken in a kind of "awakening" period of my college life. That winter had marked the most difficult bout of anxiety I've ever experienced and the spring brought an unexpected breakup coinciding with the three-year anniversary of my dad's death. Needless to say, I was not in a great place. But I had fantastic friends who listened to what I was going through, or took me to the movie that boyfriend had promised to take me to, or just sat with me and painted and gave me strawberry ice cream. I joined a faux-rock band including five college men from my school, (and no women). Despite, or perhaps because of, the difficult winter, I had decided to join the group traveling across the world to perform in a makeshift band at an music and arts school. The men in the band and the music we created, alongside the melting snow and warmer sun, began to shift me into a better place. And soon, I began falling for one of those music-playing men. (If you consult my former journals, I suppose re-falling might be a more appropriate term.) At first, I was earnestly just pursuing the friendship of someone I trusted and knew I'd soon be jetting off to China with. When anything other than fear, doubt, or false guilt was speaking, I was really, really crazy for this guy. He was stable, a listener, cared enough to know me, and (as I eagerly told my mother) a feminist! The photo above was the first photo we took together. I was insanely nervous (note my awkward hands), but also giddy with joy. We had spent the afternoon rehearsing with our faux-rock band, preparing for an annual banquet that evening. After rehearsal, I stepped into the bathroom to change. When I came out, he was standing at the end of the hallway, hands on his face mouthing "wow." I got to watch him perform and got to stand alongside him and sing. At the end of the evening, I tracked him down while he was doing dishes to try and get a photo together. That night felt like a serious step forward and is one of my most precious memories with my now husband of two years.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
|