To the mother of these three largeish redheads... This weekend. It was a good one. Filled with sunshine and baby cousins and sunburn and really good food and fro yo and two weeks notice and lots of tears and good books and too much packing and letter writing and brothers playing quelf and car rides and cooking and absolutely no fighting except the physical kind. Hope it was a good one, mama Z.
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These are a lot of pictures. I've been taking pictures again lately, so that makes me happy. Caption it up.
I lay on the floor, my head resting on a giant grey cushion and my hands petting the softest dog I've ever felt. Again, thoughts of contentment run through my head. A day of relaxing, truly resting in this home that is not my own. Jenna is next to me, laughing her full laugh. Soon, I get to sleep in my own space, in a large comfortable bed. I get to awake to a homemade breakfast and more conversations with people who know and love Jesus. I feel accepted here. I feel peaceful here. I am grateful for this place. Dear Jenna,
I really love your family and learning where you come from. I love seeing the differences between you and your family, but also understanding more about who you are by meeting them. For instance, your laugh. It surpasses everyone as far as duration and volume; I love that laugh so much and I can't imagine you without it. It has brought me joy and brought me to a place of laughter more times that I can tell you. Also, I can't believe no one in your family would find their true laugh. At least they played "what are the odds" a time or two for us. There are similarities though too; bold blue eyes are a signature in your family. But I think yours are the brightest. You all have a similar sense of humor, but you are more up front than most in your family. Your brother is a pretty funny guy once you get him going. Way to totally undersell the easter egg hunt. I don't think I've ever seen 6 twenty-somethings fight so hard to find over 200 easter eggs hidden around one floor of a house. I got a great deal of entertainment watching the two guys go at it in the end - their competitive nature won out. Your mom's heart is full of care and her actions are that of a servant. I see in you her love of entertaining, decorating, and making ridiculously good food. Your dad doesn't say much, but all of his words carry great value. I see in you his sensibility, trust in God, and desire to do whatever you can for others. Those three days at your house are some I will always remember. Especially the food. The food was amazing. But mostly I will remember the love. This is so cheesy, but being in a room full of people who are connected and related and love each other and all love Jesus? That is super powerful and not easily forgotten. Thank you for inviting me into your life and into your family. I love you dearly. Holla at life lately. I'm a fan. But there's pie and guitars involved so of course I am. Lately I have been...
listening to: Peggy Sue, because it's solid music from this century eating: loads of veggie wraps and black licorice flavored jelly beans drinking: out of two different water bottles because I'm too lazy to refill mine as often as I need to reading: Crazy Love by Francis Chan (finally) wanting: to learn how to spell learning: how to play Middle of June by Noah Gunderson singing: while I swim, to increase my lung capacity and because it's fun enjoying: my hair today, just one of those days, folks looking: up more often than at the ground waiting: for the anger to ebb and the healing to begin wondering: if I will ever actually cry as much as I used to laughing: so much with Jenna because I just always do needing: to go to bed because I'm not actually doing homework anymore thanking: Jesus for placing good friends in my life that pray for me smelling: febreeze because it got on my sweatshirt after the towel fire incident of 2014 wearing: this ding dang grey zip up every day because it's just so stinking comfortable feeling: confused, comforted, and a new bit of closure bookmarking: new recipes every day during 401 marveling: at the throne, the repetition of Holy, revelation song, and revelations 4 hoping: that I will make it through the next few days with joy and thankfulness inspired by: this post by Bump Set Speich (aka Alexi, my dear one) Today was just one of those days. Tuesdays seem to be.
These are some of the beautiful moments of today... ...recognizing that the swimmer beside me was Jewish and getting to delight my best friend with that news. ...truthful, faithful conversations over kick boards and chlorine. ...really slow mornings. ...coffee and bran muffins - the ultimate digestive test. ...longboarding in the sunshine. ...getting to say that yeah, I'm doing alright. So thankful for that. ...unexpected productivity. ...a wit comm of intimate intercession in the sunshine ...seeing Alexi RIGHT after I was thinking about how much she would be enjoying this sunny day. ...eating a delicious lunch around those I love. I get to do that almost every day. Isn't that a miracle? ...sitting in the secret place with Molly. Sharing my heart. Hearing hers. Knowing how much that means. ...ice cream with Jenna and Adam asking us in his truck why we didn't get him any. ...the laughter Jenna and I shared and the realization that we are both spontaneous. Followed by a spontaneous trip to Just Local to grab some ginger beers and get hit on for being a ginger. ...connecting with one of the most friendly and caring freshman I've met. ...honey mustard on my pretzels. ...Anna randomly showing up in my room to study. That girl cracks me up so much. ...a failed attempt at adventure with Jordan. I need to work on my fence - hopping skills. ...praying over Jordan and listening to her heart. #cryingsweatshirt ...shared black licorice with my roommate. ...late night phone calls under christmas lights with Jenna. ...songs that just get it right. I am learning
...to say no when everything in my flesh is screaming yes. ...that grace needs to come before truth. ...to be grateful for my busyness, because although I am busy, I am thankful to be doing what I love. ...to enjoy rain. Holland is to thank for this. ...that I do not need coffee everyday. ...to read the news. ...about a side of Jesus I have never explored, his humanity. ...the good and bad ways I can go about caring from afar. ...that I really like to sleep, even if I don't have very good dreams most nights. ...that there is a reason that trees don't have leaves until late spring. ...about the potter's hands. ...how to paint with watercolors. ...how to be patient and present. ...that I probably like dancing far more than I'll ever admit. Life lately in ten words:
rehearsal, children, conversation, active, catharsis, whatisschool, conflict, sleep, grateful, seeking. Today is one of those days I just want to be thankful for all of the ways God has been loving me.
I am grateful for... ...Alexi randomly texting me and telling me she loves me. ...talking to my mom on the phone while biking, it was a strange experience and a good one. ...the outfit I am wearing right now. Nothing better than IV freest tees, cords, and denim shirts. ...the taste of sandwiches. ...the brief sunshine before my 2:00 class. ...all of the music that has been a part of my life as of late. ...awkward moment number 72. ...seeing Molly and Andrew just because those two make me smile quite a lot. ...FINALLY seeing Jenna! Oh my word I like that girl. Don't leave me again. ...Holland coming up and giving me a hug and asking if I was okay. Sometimes, that's all I need. ...lanky IV men. ...conversations about lanky IV men. ...only three sleeps until I get to see Sam Ham! Holla! ...the fact that I get to see Amy Fred this weekend. ...my habibi and her listening ears and caring heart. ...a God who meets me in my brokenness, even when I have an ugly heart, anger, and a lack of trust. ...Justin Weber's longboard. ...catharsis. I am so blessed to be friends with Jenna. I need a friend who can say "Do you want to go on an adventure?" when she knows I've had a really rough few week. Even better is when my positive response leads to "Great! I know a cool bridge we can see! It's in Minnesota."
So on Tuesday night at 4:49pm, Jenna and I drove her trusty little silver Nissan all the way to Red Wing, MN and back. It was filled with so much laughter, good conversations, and spontaneous wanderings. I am incredibly blessed by my friendship with Jenna. Last year at this time, we had just started to become somewhat of friends. And by that I mean I was no longer terrified that she would fire me as MC for large group. Our friendship was slow, gaining trust was even slower. Even last semester, Jenna still held the role of mentor in my life. It wasn't until this semester really that we've started to become seriously good friends. Usually our time together consists of really honest conversations in booths in Davies, local coffee shops (we are so cliche it's painful), and driving around the backroads of Wisconsin. One of the things I am most grateful for in my relationship with Jenna is her openness. This girl is willing to drop anything to come rescue me, talk with me, or even just run an errand for me, but this isn't what I appreciate most about her friendship. I appreciate that I can be open with her and she is open with me. She shares what is on her heart and she lets me see the REAL Jenna. She asks me to pray for her. She texts me when she needs reminders of truth. She affirms me when I'm doing a good job of caring for her. Man oh man, I am grateful for this friend of mine. The past few weeks before break were kind of a blur. Break came at a needed time, I time when I needed to take a step back from school and the relationships I have there and take inventory of all that I have. The beginning of break, I basically switched off between doing my homework like a maniac and laying around my house, crying out to God asking me why I was in this place. Last night, I told him that I didn't really appreciate how he loved me over break, or how he had me love him. I wanted to be loved by being surrounded by my friends in Pine Ridge; I wanted to love him by serving him in that place and pouring out to the people on the team. Instead, he loved me through my mother, through the Hetricks, through people at both Community church and Alliance, through texts from Jordan, Jenna, and Molly, through a visit to the Gladis family, and through the time I got to spend with Jamie. He loved me through phone calls with Sam, Lexie, and Rachel and through Copper Rock study dates with Anna, Jill, and Ashley. He loved me through a Thai dinner with Matt in Chicago. This isn't how I would have chosen to spend my spring break, doing homework, racing around Appleton meeting with different people, and taking a strange two-day trip to Chicago. But I was able to gain perspective on my relationships, the way I spend my time, and the way I view myself. God taught me a lot this week, things that I wouldn't have learned in Eau Claire, things I wouldn't have learned in Pine Ridge. So I am grateful that despite my own selfish desires, God knows what I need and is faithful to bring that about. These shoes
I really love these shoes They were given to me by Justin, who got them from Nathan, somehow they only fit me. #cinderellaswag They are durable enough to withstand snow. They are roomy enough to be worn with warm wool socks. They don't quite fit into any stereotypical shoe category. They are one of my favorite colors: brown. They are my "hoping-for-spring" shoes. They are super comfortable. They have bright burnt orange accents on them, which make me yearn to go out west. They get made fun of mercilessly by my friends, who call them my "duck bill shoes." They make my feet look even more disproportionately large. They are a reminder to hope for spring. So hope friends, hope. Because the day is near. Here are some things that are bringing joy to my heart and filling me right up: ...reading Alexi's blog, and I don't just mean today's post, I mean I read every single archive the past two days. ...starting to think in those little quirky sayings that Alexi says like "darn it!" and "wow!" and "ya" (for you). I miss that girl a LOT. I can't wait to hear her laugh again in real life. ...finding this gem of a photo because it made me laugh out loud, which is a wonderful sound in this empty house. I miss Jaimie a lot and Ben just makes me laugh so much! And that kid on the end? Yeah, I get to see him today. Oh man I am excited. ...starting to read a book and enjoying it. Kahealani was right, you just have to find your genre. Mine is dystopian, for sure. Almost all of my favorite books are in that category, how did it take me this long to realize that? ...talking to Maddie over Copper Rock coffee. This girl is full of good advice and she always lets me talk as much as I want about my life, which is always appreciated. ...community time last night. There is something about 8 people screaming at each other while playing cards for 2 hours that just feels like family. It was like high school all over again, only high school kind of sucked. ...the guy working at half priced books this morning; he was just so happy and kind and he really made my day. ...Garrett and Jenna's dysfunctional touch relationship and just how it is a part of the group dynamic. ...sunshine streaming in on my face, the taste of chai on my tongue, and being in my room that feels like me. |
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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