Maybe it's the spring weather or something, but I'm getting antsy with our regular nightly routine. It usually ends with cereal or m & m's and an episode of TV (or two) around 7:30. Actually, that is what Monday-Wednesday look like and Monday & Tuesday I'm antsy and by Thursday all I want to do is sit around and watch 100 episodes of TV with 100 bowls of cereal (always PB cereal & chocolate almond milk because yum). But tonight I was all "nah" and I read every blog post from the past 6 years that was closest to today's date. It was a blast. And I decided to do this again:
Lately I have been... listening to: the new Ed Sheeran album (thanks sister!) and Tina Fey's audio version of "Bossypants" eating: homemade gluten free tortillas thanks to my new tortilla press drinking: out of a giant mason jar with a yellow lid so I feel like I'm fancy! reading:5 different novels for school.... ahhh! My brain. wanting: to sit in the sun forever learning: about what it means to minister in the circle I'm in singing: a song I made up about being a horse (sorry to everyone who now has it stuck in their head) enjoying: tracking my sleep every night on this app I have, because I'm a nerd (and a GOOD sleeper) looking: at old blog posts being nostagic... and realizing that mine and Sam's 3 year anniversary of our first "date-that's-not-a-date" is coming up in 2 days! waiting: to see the face of my spunky (currently sick) student, Grace wondering: how to keep paying for gas... laughing: literally out loud at "Bossypants" needing: to do more yoga because my neck and back be like "why" thanking: the good Lord for knowing what's going on in my head well before I do smelling: tacos wearing: just a skirt, no leggings, first time of 2017 #letthehairflowfree feeling: confused. antsy. marveling: at wonder in the universe. and how good people are at photography! hoping: that I can see my grandma, cousin, and Molly in my 24-hour stint in Madison this week
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Dear Friendships,
To those of you who are true, who are worth the aches and growing pains, who have seen me through: thank you. There aren't many of you who have lasted through the death of my dad and seen me out the other side. There are even less who have lasted through my choice of life eternal and still wanted me as a companion. Of you, I can really only count four, outside of my own blood. To those of you who have stolen my heart within only minutes, I thank the Lord for you. I know it is him, for that is the only explanation for a love this quick and this deep. Thank you for understanding more of myself than I do most days. Thank you for being there, even if it's not daily, or even monthly, but you are there when I need you. And perhaps more importantly to my prideful heart, you come to me in your need. Either way, there is a silver string that connects us. And that is the only way that I can describe it. You are my soulmates, my heart friends, my people. Anywhere. To those of you who I consider precious, if I have told you so, you are. You are worth driving in the rain for a quick lunch. I think of sending you cards in the mail but I usually forget. You remind me of beauty and adventure. You can make me laugh and let me be myself and I love seeing more of who you are. There are a few of you who don't really fit. We have chosen each other, despite what life says. We come back because we care about each other - not because it's easy or because it makes sense. We feel more like family in that way, we chose and we love and we care so deeply. We are honest and sometimes we hurt each other and we definitely annoy each other but we chose again. We admire, look up to and lean on each other. We eat meals together. Perhaps we will outlast them all. To those of you who are dying: this is the hardest part I write. I cannot cling on to you and lose myself in the process. I cannot let these new blossoms die because you are taking the life from me. I am still here, if and when you need me, but you are no longer giving life, and so I have nothing to give. Thank you for what you have taught me, thank you for our joys and sorrows, thank you for showing me that it is okay for me to move on, for you will too. And for those who have been but a bit of laughter floating on wind, or a deep conversation in the dim light of a bar, or even just a friendofafriend whom I have admired. I hold you deeply in my heart and in my memory. I hope we see each other again someday, or at least that I will know someone who is a shadow of who you were. Best Donuts 2016Union Square Donuts | Boston, MA Above, we have a maple bacon donut, a whisky donut, and a coconut donut (clearly a trend for me). These donuts were the perfect blend of melt in your mouth on the inside and crispy on the outside. Fried heaven. Highway 94 EssentialsDunkin' Donuts | Wisconsin Dells We take a lot of drives on highway 94, and sometimes, passing that Dunkin' Donuts sign is too hard to resist! This was Sam's first time at Dunkin' and I must say the coconut donut was sublime. Most PoshDorthy Ann Bakery | Woodbury, MN This bakery was like a dream! It had display wedding cakes and every fancy donut imaginable. I got a donut filled with strawberries and cream and Sam got a more traditional one. Most SprinklesGreenbush Bakery | Madison, WI These are touted as the best donuts in Wisconsin, so of course we had to try some! I wouldn't say these are the best in the state, but we only had 2 of their very large selection of donuts. The Badger colors are a nice touch. Excellent Non-Donut BakeryBatch Bakehouse | Madison, WI
This bakery is on the street corner in an eclectic neighborhood, and we could smell the place a block away! They did not have donuts, but they had tons of breads, pastries, and this amazing pretzel. They also had a huge selection of sweet & savory croissants that looked delicious. As I was making my new years resolutions, I began thinking about the importance of seeing where I've come in the last year and reflecting, with gratitutde, about all that has been.
I am grateful for... ...a yoga class with women over 50 that got me through the winter. ...getting my first teaching job working in special ed. ...moving into this beautiful, sunlight-filled apartment. ...setting & meeting a 5k goal of sub 30:00. ...learning to crochet. Also, learning that I hate crocheting. ...traveling to Boston, staying in an air bnb apartment, seeing the red sox, & dancing in the ocean. ...getting my second teaching job instructing yoga & writing, two of my greatest passions. ...celebrating ONE YEAR of marriage. ...harvesting produce from my very own garden. ...learning how to shop, cook, and bake organic & gluten free (on a budget). ...the chance to deliver a sermon about millenials to our church. ...making TWO new friends right here in Menomonie (shoutout to Olivia & Markia). ...a continuing tradition of getting donuts wherever we travel. ...getting my third teaching job with a group full of crazy and hilarioius 5th & 6th graders. ...spending Thankschristmas with my family down in Florida. ...seeing Peter Yarrow, Mavis Staples, the UWEC Concert Choir, and Reservoir in concert. ...dealing with very difficult parents with the support of my amazing headmaster & coworkers. ...a Christmas date at MIA complete with Pho & spyhouse coffee. What is the Semi Annual Garry Gergich Grub Crawl?
So among our less-celebrated holidays (Karl Malone's day, Thanksgave) is one of my favorites: the Semi Annual Garry Gergich Grub Crawl. It is in honor of the one & only Garry Gergich from Parks & Rec. It is called a grub crawl because that is a fabulous play on words and it needs no further explanation. How does one celebrate? Well, you can celebrate however you please, but this is how Sam & I rock it: first, we save up our spare change (whatever we don't spend on meters & laundry!) over 6 months. Then, a few weeks before the GGGC, we start to stock up on fast food coupons. A few days before the GGC, we go turn our change into ca$h. (It amounts to about $5-$10.) The day before, we plot our meal/event. We grab all of our fast food coupons & figure out how we can get the most bang for our buck, while still eating from as many fast food chains as possible. Why would anyone do that? First of all, to honor Garry and the glories of Parks & Recreation. But also, it is actually a very effective way to limit our intake of fast food. It's easy to drive past a McDonald's knowing that you are a few months away from indulging your fast food guilty pleasures. Sam and I celebrated our 2nd GGGC this past week. It was a grand evening to say the least. Below is the documentation of this event. We invite you to continue the tradition with us, or just invent your own holiday!
As a teacher in a Christian school, and an active member of a local church, I spend a good deal of my time around Christians. Lately, there have been a lot of frustrations boiling on the surface because of the community I'm constantly surrounded by.
One of the most consistent themes seems to be the (apparently horrific) idea of being around non-Christian people. I remember being asked once how Sam & I handled going to such a "liberal" school with "those kind of people." I've been told point blank that Christians should not go to bars. And, as many Christians probably experience, I've been told several times who (and definitely who NOT) to vote for in the upcoming November election. I've heard remarks that range from intolerant to blatant prejudice. I fear what would happen if some of the people knew that while I ran, I listened to a podcast hosted by someone who is gay. As I am experiencing with people who are supposed to be building the Kingdom alongside me, it is so frustrating. When I hear fear and hate echoed among my brothers & sisters, it is time to heed the words of Meister Eckhart "I pray that I may be quit of God to find God." I don't want a merely human version or outlook on the gospel, one that is watered down and safe. I want to live like Jesus did. In one of Jesus' parables, he told us to let the wheat and weeds grow together. In 1 Corinthians 4 Paul urges us to stop passing judgments but to wait until the Lord comes. This morning, I read the powerful words of 1 Corinthians 5. "I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people--not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. In this passage, Paul explains that he is NOT telling us to NOT associate with the immoral of this world. The point of being a Christian is not to only go where Christians go, to avoid the bars and the liberal arts colleges and those who look, act, or speak differently than I do. The point of being a Christian is not to judge outsiders - even people who put themselves on a stage in front of everyone, like our political candidates. Instead, the gospel calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves. And to love them as they are. For Jesus did not love us despite our sin, but while we were YET sinners he died for us because of his great love for us. I know that there is more that I am thinking and feeling about this subject, but I am sharing with you what I read today & specific instances that have been gnawing at me this week. I wish I had more of the courage to stand up and say something to my fellow brothers and sisters who are saying these things. (But as it is, most of them are men who are older than me, putting two layers of fear over my words.) I am hoping that as God continues to change my heart and stir these frustrations in me, I will gain both a boldness of spirit and a humility in my words so that I can respectfully address these brothers and sisters in love to further the true gospel of love. Visiting cousins (Melinda & Elliot, above) on the farm & staying with Pat & Keith during the week! A 25 mile bike ride on the Red Cedar with this trooper & 1,000 little buggy friends! A PERFECT weekend camping trip with Sam, Rachel, Brandon, fire, chips, and kayaks. A Hoffman Hills hike with Olivia, bonding over the glute strengthening exercise & photography. An overnight visit with Uncle Paul & Aunt Mary! They sent us on the best bike trail before dinner! Part 2 of adventures with Olivia: a day in downtown Stillwater, complete with yarn in every color! Again, saving the best for last, a fish taco from Ziggy's in Stillwater. National Taco Day. #37 days.
Amid the loooong days (I'm talking 10+ hours here...) of preparing for school to start (only 12 days!) I've enjoyed the little moments along the way. Here are some of my favorites: Holland came for a quick visit and brought a lot of life to our apartment. And music! And laughter! Saturday mornings spent at the farmer's market, eating Hmong eggrolls & bubble tea smoothies in the bandshell with Jordan & Sam. Buying too many cucumbers, sharing produce, enjoying summer. My sweet hubband picked me wildflowers for our anniversary! The picture doesn't do them justice. A picture-perfect breakfast. Complete with homemade yogurt, handpicked blueberries, and juice! Look who stopped in for a little visit! Anna's Matt! Thankful for friends who stop by our little town. Sunny, sunny, sunshine! We decided to take Henry for a swim to celebrate Lily's birthday! He was less than excited. A little father-son car maintenance bonding. Too bad Pops isn't wearing his Mopar shirt! Stunning creation. There was this web that caught my eye on my morning three mile loop. No spiders though :/ Summer mint, so fresh & green. We used it a million ways! Ice cream, ice cubes, in curry,,, drinks. I was oh-so-cozy on this chilly weekend wrapped up in my blanket & eating soup. Felt like fall. Good Sabbaths are spent with succulents, watercolors, and Harry Potter audio discs. A little before & after of my haircut. I absolutely love it! Saving allll the conditioner! Saving the best for last, obviously. We made these tacos and our mouths burned with joy & the taste of jalopenos. You better believe we'll be making them for national taco day! T-minus 39 days.
Sam and I went to go see Pat Donohue with our dear Aunt Mary & Uncle Paul. It was seriously so enjoyable just watching what he can do with a guitar & his 10 fingers! Often it sounds like at least two guitars going at once. Mary was so sweet and went up before the show and told him that Sam & I were celebrating our one year anniversary. So he sang this little song for us.
The Glory of Love (Originally by: Bette Midler) You've got to give a little, take a little, and let your poor heart break a little. That's the story of, that's the glory of love. You've got to laugh a little, cry a little, until the clouds roll by a little. That's the story of, that's the glory of love. As long as there's the two of us, we've got the world and all it's charms. And when the world is through with us, we've got each other's arms. You've got to win a little, lose a little, yes, and always have the blues a little. That's the story of, that's the glory of love. That's the story of, that's the glory of love. Dear Sam,
Today marks one year of being married to my beloved, my best friend, my teammate. We have gone through so much together this year already. Two moves, a surgery, graduating from college, learning how to budget, eating all of the leftover chipotle from our wedding, going on our first vacation together, baseball games, camping, bowl of oatmeal after bowl of oatmeal after bowl of oatmeal. And every moment I consider precious. I had no idea when we got married that I would love it so much. Having you constantly be my companion just inexplicably makes life better. You help me wake up in the morning (sort of, I have a hard time resisting the gushy sheets), you make me breakfast & the most delicious coffee, you run to the door excited to greet me every time I come home. You help me carry in the groceries and make the bed and do all of the dishes from the messes I make when I cook. But I am thankful for you in less practical ways too. I am thankful that you teach me what prayer can look like. I am thankful that you show me what it is to be faithful in the little things. I am thankful that because of my relationship with you, I am learning the importance of going to the Father to receive love and forgiveness. Our relationship forces me to see my own selfishness and change it. I am confronted daily with situations where I must chose you over myself. I don't do it perfectly, but I can see myself growing through the year. Having a best friend to share life with is the greatest thing I could have asked for. You make me laugh more, sing more, hug more, and love more. Let's hear it for decades to come! I love you. Becca Grace How we spent our mornings in our beautiful 3rd story airbnb... Calvin & Hobbes, coffee, and crossword puzzles found in the subway. Our daily riding of the T, and the most delicious tacos I've had outside of Texas! Where we went instead of the "freedom" trail: The Black Heritage Trail. The museum was undergoing construction, but we got to see this African Meeting House! We accidentally stumbled across Harvard's book sale... best coincidence ever! I found my Vonnegut and Hurston and Sam found some books about history and prayer and MLK and other good things. We went to a Red Sox game and it was SO GOOD! It was a blast watching and learning how to score. They went into a 10th inning and eventually won! Sam keeping score (it's more complicated than it sounds) and posing outside of Fenway. Union Square Donuts! The highlight of our 2016 donut adventures. Maple Bacon. Bourbon. Coconut. Yum. The place where Sam cut open his face and his parents had to go to Starbucks to get napkins when he was 4. He still has a scar from these vicious little "Make Way For Ducklings" statues! It's the ocean!!! We love Boston! I usually get the itch to travel to new places, but I would LOVE to go back to Boston!
Hello friends! As you may have seen on Instagram, I'm going to be disconnected from the interwebs for a bit! I've been really convicted lately about my phone & internet usage and how it seems to suck me in & I begin to ignore the life going on around me, when really, that is what is fulfilling. So I have committed to doing a fast from the internet* & I will reevaluate in July. Why? Mostly because I've noticed that I have the wrong motivation when I turn to instagram/feedly/blogging. I want to be successful, to be accepted, to be remembered. And the internet can never fill these voids. Oftentimes, I see people's blogs or pictures and end up feeling even more lonely, empty, and inadequate. (Truly, I need a fast from comparison as well... working on that one.) And the excuses for "needing" the internet just become so lame. Like I need a platform for gratitude. Well, why should 100 some strangers read about what I'm grateful for before I share it with the Lord first? Basically, that is what it is all coming back to. Seeking the Lord first. The same way that with a fast from food we learn to seek God for comfort/provision/fulfillment instead of food, I am hoping to seek Him for worth, acceptance, and to fill any voids in my life instead of the internet. *If you are curious what the logistics of me "quitting the internet" are going to look like, I'd love to answer that question individually. Shoot me an email, text, comment, or go to the contact me page. See you laterrrrr!!!!
I found this post half finished almost a year after I began it. I am intrigued at the prospect of attempting to finish it! So, I was reading Twelve Things That Changed My Life, and it got me to thinking. I couldn't really think of a good blend of material/non-material things that have changed my life, but I did think of 12 decisions that have changed my life (yes, all 24 years of it!) This is probably one of the more personal posts I'm going to make, but in the spring I like to spend a good amount of time reflecting and the quiet of this weekend has really allowed for that. 1. Deciding to follow Jesus with my life & not just as a religion. This decision has impacted 100% of the rest of my decisions, so it's a great place to start. I came into college having been going to church and being "religious" for my entire life, but looking at the way I was living you'd never know that. It was until I encountered Jesus in a very REAL way, by studying the books of Matthew & Ephesians with a group of women my own age, that I decided to make that change. I still distinctly remember the prayer Lexie and I prayed together on the 4th floor couch in Governors hall! 2. Attending UW-Eau Claire I always think this one is so funny because I'm not actually the one who decided I should go to UWEC - my dad is! I was planning on going there, but keeping UW Madison & U of M on the back burner. I fell in love with Psychology my senior year & really wanted a child psych minor - something U of M offered and UWEC didn't. After wrestling with it for weeks, one night dinner my dad just said, "Go to Eau Claire." And so I did. It was (obviously) life changing. I was able to get involved in InterVarsity, which then changed my life dramatically. I got to be in a city that cherished art and music and coffee. I met the love of my life.( I met Justin Vernon, once, too, but I don't care so much about that.) I was able to travel to China and Scotland because of my connections at Eau Claire. I am so grateful for my time in that place & in that city. 3. Choosing to stick with my family This may seem kind of odd, but after my dad died, everyone in my family was rocked. In huge and immediate ways, we drew closer together. But overtime, our grief & wounds affected our relationships with one another. Thankfully, we chose to stick together and we kept choosing to love and forgive and extend grace. Now, I believe we are closer than we ever would have been considering how far apart we are geographically. (IL/WI/FL) Although our family has expanded hugely in the last year (5 new "sibs" & 3 new parents... it's a lot to take in), there is a special bond between the 4 of us. 4. Breaking up with my first boyfriend Oop! She went there! Yes I did, because this is probably the second hardest decision I've ever made in my life. It is also the most instantly rewarding decision I've ever made. I was in a relationship that I knew was unhealthy, not glorifying, and quickly leading me down a path I did not want to be going. I was in denial of it all because of my own sin, but also because it was a manipulative relationship. But I was so rewarded for this ending! I have never felt such peace and such freedom as when I finally ended this relationship. I knew I had obeyed and that was such an incredible feeling. I have received so much healing since it ended, I truly believe our God is a healer. (If you know someone who is in an unhealthy relationship, please try not to judge them, but to gracefully remind them of what their life could be. Being in a relationship where I was manipulated, hurt, and threatened was extremely binding and terrifying. I don't know where I would be without a good friend & mentor who invited me to a fuller life.) 4. Going to Asia in 2014 This was not my first, or my most recent international experience (I've been able to go to Italy, Scotland, Ireland, Amsterdam, and Canada) but it was by far the most meaningful and life changing. It was probably the most I've ever been stretched and challenged, both in relating to the locals and my own team (of mostly males, a new boyfriend, and 2 other women I shared a room with). It gave me an incredible global perspective that I could've never gotten just traveling as a tourist. It gave me a beautiful picture of God's multiethnic Kingdom. It gave me a heart for a people group and city I'd never even heard of. It showed me how broad the term "ministry" can go (we spent 3 days in a hotel room writing a lecture...while in a foreign, unreached country!) It was incredible, and I'll be back in 2 short months! 5. Changing my major to Special Education I came in to UWEC with no intentions on ever teaching special ed, but I heard it was a good minor to help you get a job, so I did it. And it has shown me what my purpose is. When I was 13 years old I desperately wanted to be old enough so I could adopt a girl from China. I cared so deeply for these babies that were unwanted by their parents. I've come to learn that is what God has put me on earth to do. Care deeply for people who are unwanted. Often, this means people with disabilities. I see their teachers wanting them out of the room, their classmates rejecting them socially, and I see them even hate themselves as they struggle to learn. I get to show them that someone wants them around, someone cares, someone is on their side. And it's the best job I could ever do. 6. Deciding to become a teacher rather than an IV staff worker This is in no way degrading staff workers. My husband is one and he is the coolest person on this earth. But it was a long, difficult, and tear-filled (well, it's me) journey to decide that I wanted to follow my passion of teaching. I was deeply impacted by InterVarsity, I believe in what they are doing, I am a part of what they are doing (financially, prayerfully, and sometimes physically), and I hope to someday be on staff. But for now, I need to be teaching. 7. Becoming a blogger I've been blogging for over 5 years now! It was a leap of I-don't-know-what-the-heck-I'm-doing but it's been so rewarding. Additionally, blogging/being a part of the blogging community has impacted my life right now a great deal. It has made me more of a food/cleaning hippie, it has encouraged me to be vulnerable, and it has taught me about finance, passion, adoption, cooking, and so much more. It has also been an awesome way for me to continue photography, videography, and writing. 8. Deciding to date Sam This is the one I am most excited to talk about & a big part of the reason I wrote this! Sam and I started pursuing each other (for lack of a non-Christianese word) about 2 years ago. Spring always reminds me of the difficult & wonderful parts of that time of my life. I remember sitting on my friend Mary's couch, covered in a blanket, telling her I had feelings for Sam, but no idea what to do with them. It was so messy - I had just come out of a relationship, Sam and I had been friends for years, and now we were going on a trip to China (one with a no-dating rule... come to find out, Mary & her husband Adam put that rule in place because of my recent break up! Oops! Jokes on you A&M!) 9. Deciding to move to Menomonie I didn't make this decision really that much on purpose, it was more so a decision to live where Sam was living (and put myself in a good place for student teaching). Here are some things I really love about this community: the co-op, the fact that we can walk almost anywhere, being 1 hour from the cities and 30 minutes from EC/family, proximity to a University where we can meet like-minded and challenging people, a dope (&cheap) downtown apartment, and my two top favorites: the farmers market and the Raw Deal (world's greatest coffee shop). 10. Deciding to marry Sam... Nine months early Marrying my feminist, God-revering, kind, talented, tall best friend was basically a no-brainer. (I may exaggerate a bit... I'm sure he'd love to tell you about the first two times he suggested we get married.) Figuring out the timing was another matter. We had a church, a deposit on a reception venue, and we were looking into catering and booking our honeymoon when we had tea with some friends who encouraged us to consider getting married now instead of waiting. This is definitely one of the most challenging decisions we have ever made! But I have no doubt it was the right one. We got to begin working through marriage difficulties earlier, we got to finagle how to do me still being in college - financially and relationally (I was not a calm person when I was trying to do my edTPA), we got to start off a life in one of the world's crappiest apartments full of furniture our parents let us take from their homes. 11. Taking a job at Baldwin Christian School I took this job after much deliberation, but not too much hesitation (several interviews with no offers does that to a person). At first, I really struggled telling people where I was working. Teaching at a small Christian school seemed so much like settling down & selling out. I'd always wanted to work in an inner city school or something really hardcore like teaching kids with EBD (emotional & behavioral). Instead I chose to teach ten 5th and 6th graders who actually got breakfast each morning and had parents who were home at night. So my attitude become one of wanting to expose these kids to the world...especially issues of social justice & all of the "isms." I surely have had some amazing opportunities to have real conversations with these insightful ten-year-olds about race, gender and the inherent created value of all humans, but as always happens, I've probably gained mor than I've given. I have a new perspective of education, now a more biblical one. I have a headmaster who consistently tells me that God does the work, not me. That the students' success is not solely on my shoulders. This is a radical perspective and probably the most important thing this achiever needed to hear her first year of teaching. 12. Changing our sabbath day to Saturday This probably won't be in the top 12 forever, but it's been pretty life changing in a small way this year! We decided to switch to Saturday because we spent so so much time on church on Sunday, volunteering, teaching, or even just attending (our services tend to be lengthy). I LOVE having a Saturday Sabbath because it allows me to functionally "shut down & reset" after a long week. I get to sleep in, take a long time making breakfast, see friends, or just hang out at home. The evening is restful, not filled with anxiety about how prepared I am for the week ahead. Now, Sunday is the day for laundry, meal planning, grocery shopping, and doing my bucket journal for the week. I FINALLY get what my sister was saying when she said that Sunday makes her so excited for what the week will bring. The Sabbath will only get better when there is a Saturday morning farmer's market again! I'm so excited to see how this list will change in the next year, five years, ten years... Can you imagine? New jobs, new cities, big kid purchases, expanding our family... I'm making no promises, just dreaming. :) My dear, sweet husband has to leave fairly frequently because of his job. The spring is a lot less frequent, but at the beginning of summer he always has CFW, which means two whole WEEKS without him. When he is gone, the apartment just isn’t the same.
I miss… ...morning snuggles in our warm bed and seeing half of your face. ...the wolf pants. ...the delicious coffee & oatmeal you make to start our days. ...Friday morning oatmeal - with chocolate chips! ...coming home to you each afternoon. ...laughter, tackling, and tickles. ...being called an athlete after every run. ...making you dinner (& having you do the dishes, let’s be honest). ...having someone to drag me off the couch & to the bathroom at night when I’m just too tired to move anymore. ...making snacks with you. ...having adventures with you. ...watching West Wing & Scrubs & drinking nighttime coffee. I love you Sam. You are my best friend & in my opinion, the best partner & teammate anyone could ever ask for. Here’s to a lifetime of homemade italian pizzas, 2 mugs of pourover coffee, and reading books until we fall asleep. It is Sunday morning and there is peace and stillness in my home. I sit at my couch with my runt-of-the-litter cinnamon roll and the final swigs of lukewarm coffee. I cherish this time every Sunday, a time of quiet and stillness and individual pursuit on the day of rest that the Lord has given us.
This particular Sunday, I am grateful for the grey clouds and windy skies, for although they will mean no afternoon tennis game, they are also an encouragement to slow down and be still. Yesterday, chaos and noise were the rulers of the house as Sam had 3 guy friends over and they chatted and played music and drank coffee. I made them go on a picnic in a park by the lake first, and we had tabbouleh and chips and guac and semi-frozen peaches from a jar. Friday night was spent with Jordan and it was such a joy. I loved sitting and talking as the summery evening faded to darkness, slowly but surely. We ate brats and sweet potato fries and played tennis in the park and it truly did feel like summer. Only the outline of my school on the edge of the park reminded me of Monday to come. Saturday morning Holland came to town and she met the bread man and I had a few bites of pretzel and the last swigs of lukewarm coffee in the bottom of Holland's mug. I wasn't hungry because of the cashews I devoured after my morning run. So here's where it gets good. Did you wait patiently until the end? Last night, I had a dream in which I died. It began when two of my friends and I were a part of an investigation at the White House and all of a sudden, one of the agents that was a part of the investigation poked two of us in the back with a small, sharp key. We were poisoned and immediately passed out. (The other agent took her down via a choreographed large group dance/fight session.) The next thing I knew, I was at the front desk of the hospital and the head doctor was telling me to go home. She said I would die in my sleep sometime that night. I walked away weeping, but not with sadness. I was so overjoyed that in less than 12 hours, I would be seeing Jesus face to face. And I think that's kind of the whole point. I didn't run around frantically trying to convert as many people as I could, I was just satisfied with the fact that I would be seeing my Savior, finally meeting him. I have a hunch that may be what the moment is really like; not me sitting there in a pool of regret about all that I didn't do, but me rejoicing that I finally get to be with my first love. So there's something to take with you this Sunday morning. Shabbat shalom. NOT! the country. The person, of course! /\ That one is Holland. The others are cool too! But they are just not Holland. Photocredit: Isaac. I love Holland because every time I see her she tells me I smell like an organic grocery store and I'm like "IS there a better compliment on this EARTH?" (Nope.)
I love Holland because she cares very much about people and worries about hurting them (sometimes a little too much), but her heart is just so freaking full of compassion. I love Holland because who else can you leave voicemails laughing about the terrible things that you do? I love Holland because she leaves me voicemails laughing about the terrible things she does. I love Holland even though our relationship primarily exists in voicemails... I love Holland because she understands my deepest need: breakfast sandwiches. I love Holland because God gave us very similar break up stories and so we GET each other. I love Holland because she reminds me that rain can be a happy thing. I still hate it, but it reminds me of her, so it sort of makes me happy, I guess. I love Holland because she is one of God's prettiest creations. And those eyes. I love Holland because she is like a ray of sunny sunshine but she is also real like a garden carrot. (Garden carrots are sometimes bitter, so like, not 100% perfect, but they are wholesome & real.) I love Holland because she teaches me to love life & to love Jesus & to not fear non-Christians. I love Holland because she puts a lot of effort into seeing me even though I live in Guam. I love Holland because she loves the raw deal & my cozy home & Jane Eyre & good things. Wow, this weekend was so incredible. I am grateful and filled with renewed joy! Here are some of my favorite moments from the weekend. A evening with the Stout IV Exec board. They are such a joy! Also, Danny and his lemonade. Hah. Slow, sunny, Saturday morning. The perfect start to the weekend. Love that sunny window. Raspberry white chocolate scone from the bread man! I love Saturdays that include the bread man! Went to our first two rummage sales of the year! These lamps were cool. I didn't buy them. #growth Sam & I spent about 20 minutes just driving around & being okay with dead ends. We found this beautiful brick home right on the lake that I have dubbed my "If-I-Were-Rich Dream Home." Seeing Holland sing with her dear pals! I loved hearing Sure on this Shining Night done again! Eep! So thankful for this weekend. Not pictured: baseball in the park, tennis, phone calls with Jordan & Rachel, a quick hug on the porch with Molly Bray, and a 37:35 5k practice run (yikes). LOVE IT!
Today is one of the ROUGH days of my job. It is one of those days when I'm like ha, so what am I supposed to do? I don't know how to do my job... Today is also following yesterday, which was learn-that-you've-made-3-major-mistakes-before-9-am day. So, things are GR8. To say the least.
I came in timid, unsure of how to teach, but learning along the way. I hit my stride a few weeks back, but now one of the other special ed teachers is consistently taking one of my students and she treats her SO differently and reports her behavior so differently than the teacher I am subbing for does. I feel so stuck as to HOW I'm supposed to work with this student & what the goals are. And sometimes, It's frustrating being a sub. It's kind of like being a ghost. No one to sit by at the staff meetings. Some teachers still don't know my name. This morning, I walked into my room and two other teachers were having a meeting in there. I just went about my ghost business, gettin ready for the day. Then they left. Some days I'll talk to other humans in the teachers lounge and they ACTUALLY don't respond. What. I do have this really wonderfully fabulous co-worker that is my guardian angel and always tells me when I'm doing things that are probably not the best and talks me off the ledge when I'm on the verge of tears and we tell each other funny stories about our students (that involve poop at times). Interruption! SOS! There are four third-grade humans who just walked right into my room and gave me hugs. I can't even. THIRD GRADERS MUST SEE GHOSTS! I love my job. O My God,
When I look into the future, I am frightened, But why plunge into the future? Only the present moment is precious to me, As the future may never enter my soul at all. It is no longer in my power to change, correct or add to the past; For neither sages nor prophets could do that. And so what the past has embraced I must entrust to God. O present moment, you belong to me, whole and entire. I desire to use you as best I can. And although I am weak and small, You grant me the grace of Your omnipotence. And so, trusting in Your mercy, I walk through life like a little child, Offering You each day this heart Burning with love for Your greater Glory. I always want to remember my first "real" job as a teacher. "Real" meaning: I teach & get paid for it. Each day is a little different, as it always is in Special Ed.
The mornings are slow, as I answer emails and prep for the day. I cherish these times and they aren't rushed, but they do seem to pass quickly. I always try to remember to put away my lunch, sign in, and fill up my water bottle in one run, but I think I've only remembered to do all 3 at once maybe a handful of times. At first, emailing someone was so intimidating, but now it is the easiest & most effective way to communicate. It definitely isn't as enjoyable as face-to-face. 8:45 is when my day really begins. That's when she comes. My full-time student. We'll call her Kari, because it almost conveys the spunk/sass packed into this tiny little child. I set timers to keep her on task and usually loom in the back of the cafeteria to make sure that she is behaving correctly at breakfast. 9:10-9:25 is our time, which can somedays be very rough, but is generally quite enjoyable. I like to be with her when she can be herself, and not when she is being forced to work. Math with the boys is like trying to get a bunch of dogs to pay attention in a park. There are too many squirrels to keep them on track. I love this group of three though. They are sweet to me and sweet to each other. Math with the girls is more like social hour, but I try to remind them why they're here and motivate them by giving them time for their homework. #bestteacherever Reading with Kari does something to the clock. The hands speed by while time actually moves at a snails pace. I have yet to understand this. This time ends in one of two ways: a singing performance, or a temper tantrum. There is no middle. Math with 4th grade is usually the time of day when I'm ready to pull my hair out. (See: temper tantrum at the end of reading.) Also, one of my students sometimes needs to be bribed with one piece of dark chocolate per math problem that he completes. One day, I gave him half of a Trader Joes dark chocolate truffle bar. I almost cried. But he got his whole math sheet done for the first time since I've been here! Then it's lunch/prep. Insert sigh of relief and happy dancing. Also, recess duty in the cold. SOS I hate this April. If I sit in the teacher's lounge, it's at the edge of my seat, waiting for a banging on the door from Kari. Girl has spunk I tell ya. Then is my favorite lesson of the day. Kari is at lunch and I get small group reading time with the two sweetest fourth grade boys in the world. It is peaceful and I am happy during this time. It's followed with my "prep period" which is more of a hilarious joke than anything. It consists of reteaching Kari how to blow her nose, taking her to the bathroom, coaxing her to write, and maybe successfully sending 1 email. Afternoon reading is usually quite enjoyable, but apparently if I make them read on their own, I am immediate the worst teacher ever in their eyes. They still get jolly ranchers every 3 days so I think they should quit their whining. I am clearly the best. Math with Kari and another 2nd grader is one of the hardest parts of the day. Kari is fighting for attention while the other student is trying to actually learn. She is DONE with Kari. I don't even need to remind her to ignore Kari's attention-seeking behavior. She just does. It makes me sad. Reading at the end of the day is with my math boys again. It's almost schools-out time in their minds, so getting them to focus is somehow WORSE than it is in the morning. We use a lot of bribery. We do vocabulary each day and they crack me up with what they think some words mean. "What does the word fuss mean?" (after studying the meaning for 4 days) "It means that a baby is hungry." Well, close enough. And that's pretty much a wrap. After school is usually spent getting Kari out the door and in her car. Sometimes I get to chat with Heidi (another SPED teacher) after school & those days are my favorite. I mean, right after the days when I get to actually leave at 3:30 and go home. :) So grateful to have such and incredibly stretching experience right after graduation. I've been told that Kari is one of the toughest students many of the SPED teachers have ever seen. Gotta start somewhere, right? ...rest
...create ...be in nature ...serve ...teach ...laugh ...live in community ...hug people ...listen ...make things beautiful ...care for my body ...be active ...sleep ...defend ...make delicious food ...play with children ...enjoy I'm really happy to be a blogger and to have a place to write. I need to write more often.
Whenever I see somebody write a list of what they're grateful for on their blog and I don't see my name, I always get a little down. I don't need to do that to myself. I'm learning to focus on the wonderful things Sam does, rather than the things that bother me. I LOVE that he makes the bed. I seriously can't get enough of it. (Does that even make sense?) I should probably get a Roth IRA pretty soon and that makes me feel like an adult. There has been ALTOGETHER too much adulting in the last year. Make it stop, soon. I want to eat a snow cone. In a music rut. Really thankful that my husband works for InterVarsity and an actual plan for a Thursday night is to go hang out with some Christians my age who sort of like me and definitely accept me. I'm realizing that this year I've kind of been putting all of my loneliness on my circumstance and not truly seeking Jesus in it. I'd like that to stop. I've started a new way of journaling that I LOVE and works out really fantastically. You can ask me about it. I've had too much boring, too much quiet. I want my crazy 2nd grade friend to come back. Is it Monday yet?! #saidnooneever Sometimes I wonder if I'm as funny as I think I am when I blog. I AM FULL OF WHIMSY Breakfast date on Saturdayyyyy! Nothing is better than breakfast. Especially when eaten with Holland. Because she is the queen of peace and making rainy days happy and being wonderful. Today, I ordered 10 yoga blocks from amazon. Getting so pumped to teach it this summer! One time, I had a friend who was a waiter and he told me that I could never be in food service because I couldn't handle it. I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU DEAL WITH AN EBD 8-YEAR-OLD PLEASE AND THANK YOU. I still want a food service job to prove him wrong. Gotta work on my praying-for-people-over-the-age-of-11 prayer life. Starting a bible study next weeeeek, pumped like nobody's business. [Insert breifcase emoji] Today, I plotted out my plot for my summer garden. Community garden lovin'! #dirtyhippie Learning to be grateful in the everyday, because if I'm not, how can life be worth living? Every cloud has a silver lining... whatever that even means. Happy almost Friday, friends! To my first and best friend... I am sorry I got you in trouble the day I was born, It probably prepared you well for the next 18 years. Thank you for deciding to be my friend post-high school, Times with you have always been my favorite. I remember the chicken caesar salad I ate at an irish pub when I visited your freshman year, I felt so special to be included with the college kids. I remember eating freezie pops on your couch and watching about Michael Jackson's death, and that you were significantly less upset when you found it it was Jackson, not Jordan. I remember that lazy Sunday morning we spent playing Rummy, because we missed the bus for church and we had sunburnt shoulders from the beach I remember tacos in the 2-story apartment that held many roommates over the year, you introduced me to chipotle tabasco and it changed my life. I remember the summer that you lived with mom and painted your nails a different color every week, (the same summer you fell asleep with a highlighter in bed and stained my sheets yellow). I remember the pristine first apartment in Rockford, and the beautiful sprawling park we hiked in,
you would always take the floor whenever we came to visit. I remember our 30-something-hour drive to Glacier, because who could forget a thing like that. Driving away from a tornado siren, sleeping in parking lots, the plains of the dakotas, listening to Harry Potter, and eating a small child's weight in cheddar popcorn. I remember sleeping next to you in a tent and when I kicked you when you were sleeping, it took you about a year to come out of your sleeping bag you were burrowed so deeply. (Where was I?!) I remember the precarious hike across the waterfall, eating granola bars next to a glacier, and listening to 70-somethings gossip like they were 13. I remember your beautiful upper apartment, where you live now, a screened porch, sunny living room, and the pan that you kept on the wall when I hung it there as a joke. All of these visits, I have cherished deeply. Because of you, I now love the city of Milwaukee, because I remember our walks and our dinners and our late night conversations. Because of you, I have a deepened sense of adventure, as well as a love for the mountains and all bodies of water. Because of you, I have learned how to be a good hostess, I have learned to be selfless, and I have laughed like I have never laughed before. I have learned to apologize and learned to forgive. You are my first friend, and you are my dearest friend. I love you, Rachel. Happy Birthday. Yesterday, my mother-in-law lovingly encouraged me to get some shoes that are adult shoes, have actual support, and aren't from Goodwill (ahem). I also realized that I'm definitely going to need some new professional clothes as I start teaching full time this fall. So, this morning, I spent some time thinking/researching ways I want to continue to, essentially, make myself look good. And I know that sounds shallow, but at the same time, I know that it can be glorifying to God to have a love of aesthetics, to rejoice in the beauty of his creation (in this case, my wavy red hair, purple-ish skin, and size 11 feet), and to put energy into making sure the products I use aren't going to harm my body. (Plus, I got to learn some really cool things about natural hair!) But I did notice that after awhile, I could feel myself starting to feel that consumer "ick." It's the feeling you get when all of a sudden, everything in your life is no longer good enough and you need the next best thing, the latest and greatest (and, as in my case, you may not be able to afford it). So I started thinking about how I can be thankful for the here & now, the "stuff" I already have, but more importantly, the people and the experiences I get to have. Alexi often reminds me that even the breath in my lungs is a gift to be thankful for daily! After that very long introduction, there are some things I am thankful for: I am thankful for long drives in the country, especially when there are blue skies and sunshine. I am thankful for a brave husband/partner who stays calm when our car is in a ditch. #windsucks I am thankful for the opportunity to be creative and healthy while making afternoon sandwiches. I am also thankful for our VERY dope chest and how functional it is. I love this piece. I am thankful for that time when Sam & I walked to the co-op to buy groceries & as we are standing in line, he says "I am all of a sudden just so tired and thirsty. And I really want lemonade!" and so we buy some and drink it on the way home. Also, more blue skies! Love that. I am thankful for my Venus and Serena Williams racket that I found at St. Vinnies for about $4. Mine even has a neon orange handle. These sisters inspire me, even when I lose 6 games in a row, throw a fit, and then buy Sam a Kwik Trip brat as a peace offering. (All of these events are true.) Also, thankful for these little guys which I got to replant today! I hope they live! #seedlings #herbs
Lately, I've been thankful for...
...Sam. Who makes me breakfast, makes the bed, does the dishes, and serves me without ever complaining. ...a group of third graders who gave away the chance to win a signed Packer's helmet to a classmate who was battling cancer. ...phone conversations with my sister. ...middle-aged lady walks with Jordan. How'd we get so old? ...Parks and Recreation gag reels. BUT REALLY. ...peaceful Fridays... so thankful for today. The Lord provides. ...snow days on sunny Thursdays. ...all of my friends who have come to visit me in Menomonie lately! Holland, Amy, Molly, Rachel, Lexie, Trent, and the whole Weaver fam clan. ...Brach's jelly beans. It is an understatement to say that I am addicted. #allthejellybeans ...quiet moments to read Jane Eyre. ...TACOS. Especially this amazing black bean roasted vegetable recipe I found. ...Dr. B and how she inspires me to go on long & fast walks to get my body moving when its cold. ...warm blankets. Christmas lights. Inspiring design books. Antique stores. Learning to chose gratitude, daily. |
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December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
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