It's been a really beautiful week filled with even more beautiful people. While I am sad that my spring break is coming to an end, I am rejuvenated and excited to get back to my students! I am thankful for... ...a golden-hour drive to HC3, complete with grapefruit, music, and a British Walmart cashier. ...time to hike, squelsh in the mud, and romp in the grasses during HC3. Peaceful time. ...trips to Appleton & the first coffee shop I fell in love with - Copper Rock. Also, it is time for me to admit my failure in documenting this trip. There are no photos of our incredible time with the Hetricks! This was probably the biggest blessing of my break - they hosted us so well, giving us amazing food, good thrifting tips, and conversations centered on ministry in all of it's glory. The time with this couple in their home was a gift. ...that Alex & I successfully surprised Sam! What a gratifying experience. I also got an official Alex Rabe tour of Oshkosh, which included this beautiful library! Can you believe this is in Wisco? ...for time at Jamie's apartment, with and without her. That cat though, she's got some 'tude. ...for fancy pour overs and scones to pass the time. Thank you Roast! S/O to: Roast Coffee Company, Casablanca (Jill & Matt - special shoutout to you!), and Blues Egg. ...for many slow mornings and light upon waking. ...for last-minute donut runs & much-needed rest stops. ...for time to finish my gallery wall, gifted end tables, and thrift-store lamps. ...that I have a sister who is willing to drive 4 hours just to spend a few days with us. Also, for the ability to host Trent & Lexie, as well as the whole Weaver family. Love this home. ...for sunny Sunday afternoons spent propagating succulents and filling my seed starters. #spring
1 Comment
Photocredit: Holland Kabat. No rumps were grabbed in the taking of this photo. Thx. Dear 2nd Grade Friend - Today, you peed your pants and told me it was peach juice. You threw 3 tempter tantrums, one of them in the hallway that lasted about 10 minutes. You dumped a bucket of rice on the ground. You screamed at me down the hall "How would you feel if I made you miss your recess?" You asked if I'll miss you tomorrow when you go see a movie. The thing is, I probably will. I hope tomorrow is better. Dear Beautiful Winnie - Happy Birthday. I hope that on your thirteenth birthday, your parents still wake up to the sound of your singing. Though maybe in 10 years, it will have evolved from "Winnie the Pooh - Pooh!" You are dear to me. Dear Habibi & Maddie - The time I spend with you fills my heart with joy - and apparently, my stomach with burgers, roasted veggies, & german chocolate cake. Many thanks to you both. Dear Husband - When I saw our red book tucked into the covers, ready to greet me for bed, tears came to my eyes. Thank you for loving me so well.
Shoutout to Bill/Grace Episcopal for the free chairs to fill up our giant living room! Ya'll upped our number of free furniture finds to 6! (The only furniture either of us has ever purchased is a small table that has a handpainted "Workshop" sign attached to a peg board.) So, it has come to my attention that I haven't blogged in a while. It has been an eventful few weeks! I became a year older, moved apartments, and started a new job... what a thrill! Highlights include: ...grabbing pizza & some local brews with some of my nearest and dearest. ...being surprise visited by this lovely, complete with a trip to the Raw Deal. #tryintobeaminimalist ...a cross-country ski trip with my best friend, next to the river, during the sunset. puh. lease.
...making my own bread bowls... and TOTALLY failing. But Sam & I gorged ourselves on the warm, burnt bread and it was still amazing. ...meeting Spiderman's new baby! She is a GOOD sleeper. And she is warm. #greatsnuggler ...waking up at 6am and moving all of our possessions to this rad apartment! Thanks, church! I was honestly amazed... we have a congregation of about 40 and TEN people showed up to help us move. That is like 25%, people! Who can say that about their church? ...going to Gabe & Mikelle's wedding less than 2 hours after moving. We are so good looking we don't even need time to get ready. And we didn't even forget to brush our teeth or bring them a wedding present or anything! umm... #nofilter #wearejustthatgorgeous #believeit #beliebers ...moving to a place with SUNSHINE! Plus 5 new rooms to decorate. Winning! ...starting a new job. Just the day after I got unpacked, no big deal. Seriously, a blessing from the Lord. I am LOVING this job. It's day two, so I can't get too excited. But special ed, sharpies, and an organized system make for a very happy Becca.
I hope y'all enjoyed the update & are having yourselves a peaceful end of the week. I am constantly reminding myself to stay PRESENT in the moment. Currently, my next moment will be filling out job applications... yeah job hunting! It's a thrill, let me tell you. Peace, friends! A momentous occasion, obviously. Dear Menomonie - Thank you for not calling me to sub today, and therefore giving me the time to sleep in & power through these applications. Dear Raw Deal - Thank you for providing my caffeine for the day. For free. Also, thank you for the free smells of your fresh roasting beans. Dear good morning breakfast bowl - You gave me the energy to make it through.You also made me feel like a legit hippie because you included chia, flax, and my homemade yogurt. #veganlife #eatingburgerstonight. Dear Sam - Even though I make fun of your English nerdiness on the daily, I appreciate that you correct my verb tenses. #hashave #whocares I also feel the need to thank Jared for the espresso candies & Sriracha chickpeas. GOTTA HAVE MORE.
P.S. Shoutout to mah girls Adele, Florence, Neko, and (as much as I hate to admit it) Selena. Y'all have gotten me through it all this winter. #winners This omelette fills you up, just like Shaq's dunking fills a basketball hoop. In addition, if one were to eat these omelettes on a regular basis, because of their bacon-soaked glory, they would probably end up to be about Shaq's size. Just like Shaq's appearance in LA to play for the Lakers, this omelette looks California-esque on the outside, until you realize all that's inside. Shaquille O'Neal Omelette
eggs bacon yellow onions bell pepper mushrooms spinach tomato avocado smoked paprika I started by cooking all of the bacon, so that it had time to cool & harden while making the rest of the ingredients. Plus, it meant both of our omelettes got to be cooked in bacon grease - score! I started by sauteeing the onions and pepper in a large pan, and then added baby bella mushrooms and spinach. The smoked paprika was dusted on top to finish it off. Sam made the omelettes (in the bacon grease) and we stuffed them with all of the pan friend ingredients as well as fresh grape tomatoes and avocado. Optional: add some chipotle tabasco sauce on top! A beautiful picture of some friends of mine, all in transition, with a timely reminder. I am, once again, at a stage of transition in my life. A transition can be defined as a "big life change," such as marriage, death of a loved one, moving, graduating, getting a new job, or culture reentry. The funny thing about transition is, we don't usually experience them one at a time. For instance, I graduated, and then about a month later, transitioned to a "new" job (substitute teaching). In a few weeks, I will be transitioning to yet another new job (a 3-month sub position) as well as moving to a new apartment a few blocks away. Not a giant change on either end, but still, a transition.
So, for those of you keeping score at home, that's about 4 different transitions in a 4-month period. I'm not great at transitions, so let's just say it's been a bit of a bumpy ride around here for a while. So, I dug out my LEAD team notes on Lexie's Transition talk and reminded myself of some truth: 1. Transitions put a "hole" in our emotional cups. There are a lot of feelings to work through. 2. Transition may not be as fun as it looks. We often have a lot of anxiety and it doesn't seem as "super fun" as it may on the outside. (This is actually a hugely glossed-over part of marriage! We don't realize how tough the transition can be going in and then it feels overwhelming & isolating.) 3. Transition makes you feel isolated. THIS IS HUGE! It gets harder to reach out and ask for help, but it is also more essential. Run to the Lord, do not pull away. Be honest with your friends. This has probably been the toughest part of transition for me, because I have had to move away from most of my friends. Oftentimes, when I don't hear from them in a long time, or we keep failing at seeing each other, it makes me feel unimportant & unloved. Which leads me to my next point: 4. Adult friendships are hard, especially at first. You really have to put yourself out there and be intentional about making plans. We have to chose to do friendship & it may feel unnattural, but taking the initiative is necessary if you are going to have any friends. 5. Admitting you need your friends more than they need you is okay. This one has been the most difficult for me to accept. With my friends in Eau Claire surrounded by community, they realistically don't need me as much as I need them. And that's okay. It doesn't diminish my worth or importance. It doesn't mean I'm a bad friend. It doesn't mean I did anything wrong. It is just the circumstance. I hope that if you are looking at a period of approaching transition, or you are in a time of transition right now, that you are able to take some of these words and allow them to sink into your soul. Because campus nights are always a little lonely. Tonight, I'm gettin' really excited about creating a desk space for myself in our new apartment. I spent a long time looking at inspiration/ideas/diy's around the interwebs tonight. Finally, when I found something that was truly me - wholesome, sturdy, light, but not necessarily mint/pink/gold trendy, it made my soul sigh. Have you ever had your soul sigh? It is a beautiful thing.
On downward dog, my heels almost touched the floor tonight. I tell ya, the day that finally happens, it will be magical. Also, whenever we do any kid of pose that relies on shoulder flexibility I am THERE. Anything that relies on any other kind of flexibility or arm/core strength? Ha. I'm the one who gets handed like 3 yoga blocks to modify the modification. Yup, that's me! Proud yogi. Today, I teared up a little when a man that I was working with laid out the facts really clear in front of me. What I was doing was wrong, ineffective, and potentially damaging. I stepped back & followed his instructions. It is hard to see failure in oneself. Buck up, kiddo - lots to come I'm sure. I wish I remembered the sound of my dad's voice. Or even some of his sayings. I know he was the work-hard-play-hard type, but are those the words he used? What compelled him to buy 42 plates from goodwill in the hopes of one day making a mosaic? Why did the allure of fixing ancient vacuum cleaners overpower that mosaic dream? If only I could pick his brain. I think women who have blogs & do DIY's and actually do the construction work themselves are freaking awesome. Not that the ones who say "Jeremy built my dream closet!" aren't worthy bloggers, but I just admire the social-norm-breaking-women who build it themselves. Plus, let's face it, I am way more likely to ever pick up a power tool than Sam is. Just saying. Honestly, I should probably go eat something. And finish the half-done projects strewn around my living room and kitchen. #woops. Thanks for living the everyday with me, friends. Dear Goodwill - Thanks for having swaggy finds, like copper utensil sets that go for $40 on ebay. What what?? So pumped that I finally have a ladle to use. Plus, more copper in the copper kitchen. Dear Holland & Lexie - I am so freaking glad I got to chat with BOTH of you on the phone today. It made my day gr-eat FOR SURE! I have missed hearing the voices and lives of my dear ones. Dear Sunny Day - Thanks for making the snow look awesome and my bed so peaceful. Nothing I'd rather enjoy my bacon fried rice next to than a sunny window. Dear Husband - I am stoked about date night tonight. Lobster direct from Boston. How are we so fortunate? Top it off with roasted brussels sprouts and bourbon pecan pie brownies. It'll be a night to remember. (P.S. Your sneezes make the guitars in our living room reverberate. 10 points to you!)
I'll try to remember to post some pictures of our ah-may-zing dinner (compliments of Samuel's dear friend James from Boston) in the near future! If I forget, check the insta feed, below! As I was doing the dishes this morning, I had a thought. Ever since church last Sunday, I've had a great deal less anxiety about my future purpose, what I'm doing with my life now, and even my value as a person. These are pesky anxious thoughts that have been bombarding me almost since moving here to Menomonie; they were probably concurrent with the ending stress of traveling/moving/wedding planning as well as the transition of leaving college and my ministry with InterVarsity.
But this morning, the thought kept ringing through my head: You were not made to feel anxiety all of the time about not doing enough, not being enough, or not performing well enough. Sometimes I think that I am supposed to feel anxiety, as if that anxiety stirs me on to more and better things. It does, in fact, stir me on to do more. But if I am not doing more in the name of the Lord and with full dependence on him, the work that I do is meaningless. It drains me. It only leaves me feeling more anxiety rather than feeling that I am finally doing enough. I am not saying that the Lord doesn't ever spur in us to do more than we are doing. I believe in the conviction of the Holy Spirit and I believe that God calls us to certain things. I also believe in being faithful in what we are already doing, even if we don't necessarily feel "called" to it. But I am saying that I am not made to live in anxiety every day about not being enough. How freeing that is. ...I am in one of those poopy-no-good moods today. And I need to SNAP out of it. So I'm thankful for... ...a husband who is currently doing the dishes & packing my lunch so that I can do this. ...possibly having some time off next week because of an unexpected new student teacher coming. ...the kind-hearted, thoughtful, and oh-so-positive teacher I'll be taking over for in March. ...the twice-a-week yoga class that is less than a block away and only costs $70 for 17 sessions. (For those of you who aren't yogis, classes are typically $10-$15 each, so $4/class is a STEAL!) ...the incredible professors in the UWEC SPED program and all I've gained from them. Also, the pizza & brownies they brought us tonight. ...the man who created hundreds of math teaching videos that I watch on the daily. #nerrrrd ...dear friends who come to visit us at our home! Habibi, Molly, Andrew: Here's to you! ...phone calls from Holland! ...the snow delay we had last week.... ...and breakfast in bed from dear Sam. What are you thankful for?
This has been kind of a crazy year. My family jokes that I'll never have to look back and think "what year did such and such happen?" because the answer will always be 2015. I hope you enjoy reflecting with me! Experiences 1. Swing dancing at the caves 2. Learning how to snowboard (such a beginner) 3. Rock climbing at the UWEC climbing wall 4. Sapping & canoeing at LCO 5. Meeting Temple Grandin 6. Distillery Tour in Scotland 7. Hiking Ben Lommond 8. Planning a wedding (simultaneously fun and the worst!) 9. Baking my own wedding cake 10. Getting married! Twice... 11, Cooking bacon over an open fire 12. Trying to be adults who bring stuff when we're invited to dinner 13. Canning! 14. Making this apartment a home 15. Sending out Christmas cards like OLD PEOPLE Discoveries 1. Norwex 2. Yummly 3. Yoga with Adrienne 4. Tacos Juanitas 5. Lucette Brewery/Woodfire Eatery 6. Town & Country Antiques (Menomonie, WI) Celebrations Engagement Martin Luther King Jr. Day Golden Birthday: 22! My mom & Dan getting married Our wedding Finishing the edTPA Graduation Ringing in the New Year at Urbana Adventures Donuts Sault Ste. Marie Amsterdam Scotland London Dublin Chicago's Chinatown The North Shore Recipes 1. Sweet potato tacos with lime crema 2. Baked Falafal 3. Naan 4. Chickpea curry 5. Black bean & avocado enchilladas 6. Twice baked sweet potato egg bake 7. Chipotle sweet potato burgers 8. Black bean burgers 9. Quinoa zucchini fritters 10. Parmesan garlic pretzels Soups 1. Black bean, sweet potato, quinoa chili 2. Black bean chili (crockpot) 3. Chicken taco soup 4. Thai curry butternut squash soup Entertainment Bruno Mars 2014 Halftime Show A Year with Frog and Toad at the Mabel Tainter Les Miserables in London, England Memorial High School Band Concert Looking Forward To in 2016 1. Finally having my own classroom to teach in 2. Adventuring to Boston in the summer 3. Teaching an elementary-age yoga class 4. Learning to pray for the persecuted church A few random photos that I haven't posted yet from the year! Meeting Temple Grandin! Bridal shower, complete with iced tea, cupcake competitions, and lots of laughter. Listening to Reservoir in the back of Govs! Alley, me, Dana, and Molly at the sisters banquet! Our road trip to Saulk Ste. Marie Hiking around Hoffman Hills near Menomonie. We made sure to leave our mark on the tower. Celebrating Samuel's birthday - 24! Delicious brunch complete with sweet potato hashbrowns from when Alley came to visit! Playin' around at Lucette. Best. Pizza. Ever. Graduatin' with Molly Bray! These two ladies came ALL THE WAY just to see me graduate! It was a fantastic day. Cozy Christmas. Ur-banana!
Sam and I decided a few months before our marriage that it was important to us to try donuts whenever we traveled to a new place. We realize that this is a pretty big sacrifice, but it is one we are willing to make for the sake of sugary fried goodness. Best in Bulk:World's Best Donuts | Grand Marais, MN [Dozen Mixed: Plain, Powdered, Sugared, Chocolate Frosted, Cinnamon Sugar, Jelly-Filled & Chocolate Nut Long John] These donuts were indeed incredible. I wouldn't say world's best (see: All Day Donuts), but they were really good! We ate 14 donuts in about 3 days, so that is probably a testimony to their goodness. Nicest Workers:People's Bakery | Madison, WI [Glazed, Chocolate Frosted Old Fashioned] This is actually a Lebanese restaurant as well as a bakery! These were the nicest workers I think I've met in a donut shop, The donuts themselves were delicious, we have no complaints, but there wasn't anything quite noteworthy about them. Best Overall:All Day Donut | Rockford, IL [Blueberry Cake, Toasted Coconut, Glazed] If you call and ask the hours, they'll pause and tell you "we're open all day." Oh. Right. HANDS DOWN TOP WINNER! Seriously, these were the most amazing donuts. They were the size of bagels, I kid you not, and they had the most wonderful, crispy outside, with the best glaze I've ever eaten. You need to try these donuts. (the photo is not from all day donut, but it is from Rockford!) Freshest Donuts:Pharoh's Donuts | St. Louis, MO
[Glazed, Chocolate Frosted Long John, & Glazed Twist] At 9am, we got these donuts fresh. According to Jenna, these donuts "melt in your mouth." These donuts have a good glaze, but are not too sweet. These donuts, are the kind of donut you're okay taking home to your mother. 'tis the season, scroogesSo, this year, I decided to be really ambitious (inspired by this) and make my own Christmas cards! I'm a new wife, why not? But THEN I realized that my printer couldn't print on cardstock. And I'd already ordered my cardstock & envelopes. #woopsie! So instead, I hand-drew 75 cards. Yup. Seventy-five. I did it one Sunday afternoon in front of a fire at my in-laws and it was highly relaxing. Materials.Blank cards & envelopes (get it recycled - save dat earth) Caligraphy pens or black pens of different tip sizes Photos (I used picmonkey to make the collage, cropped it into a 4 x 6 photo, and ordered 80 free prints from shutterfly!) Stamps Return address labels, if you want to pay for the timesaver (I got 20 for free on shutterfly!) Process.First, I taped the photo collage inside of the card using washi tape. (I got some sheets of washi tape on clearance, so I cut them into strips.) After Sam & I typed up our Christmas letter, I cut them at school on the paper cutter and glued them onto the bottom half of the card. Lastly, I hand-drew each card using faber-castel pens. I love these pens because of the different sizes that help create texture.
"When I love myself it means that I love who I really am: a limited creature called to limitless joy; a fallible, finite being who can transcend sinful inclinations and seek the Infinite. It is this deepest part of self, this miracle of nature and grace, that I must esteem." Dear Third Grader - You are the size of a first grader, and when you reached for a piece of a paper today, my heart melted a bit. You are the (second) cutest and the (second) kindest person I know. Dear Silver Dollar - Who knew that you were previously known as the Buck? It's basically kismet. Sam and I went looking for the Buck, settled for you, and looked up 20 minutes later to see a giant sign with "The Buck" written on it in foot-tall letters. Also, your wine is expensive, especially when I forget to ask for the $3 wine on $3 wine night. Oops! Dear Job Applications - Gross. I just want to be done with you, but each corner I turn, there is MORE to do! Being jobless is a fairly good motivator though. Keep on keepin' on. Dear Husband - Thank you for building a fort/spaceship and introducing me to Star Wars Episode 4 complete with space fruit, ginger beer, and popcorn. You know I'll do anything for themed food. I love you.
P.S. I have a favorite food. It is, and has for a long while been, tacos. But these, were the tacos to beat them all. I added tomatoes and avocado and substituted the sour cream for greek yogurt (a friendlier dairy option because of the probiotics in yogurt) & these suckers were amazing. I also recommend putting the sweet potatoes in a 350-400 degree oven for 10-15 minutes to finish up the cooking so they aren't rock hard. Just melt-in-your-mouth-yum. Dear succulents - I'm sorry I killed you again, but this does happen every winter. You think I'd be prepared, but yet you have broken my heart once again. Dear Holland - You had a nice big "O" on your face when we walked into the Coffee Grounds today. It was nice to feel so loved like that. Your Charlie Brown Christmas shirt was the absolute shiz, rock it gurl. Dear Neighbors Downstairs - Your music has kept me awake not only past 10:00pm, but past 11:00pm. If this sickness ends up being a thing, I will smash your speakers with a hammer. Only kidding! At least your noise gave me the motivation to get out of bed and write a four-page paper during the night. It's like I'm a real live college student! (T-minus 1 week until official gradumacation.) Dear Hubband - Tonight I failed at: letting you know what was upsetting me, keeping my freezing cold feet to myself, and snuggling you as we went to bed. Thanks for choosing me and loving me anyway. You are my favorite.
P.S. Today I had spidey mom-senses and knew one of my kiddos had a fever without even touching his forehead. I'm a ninja-teacher. Dear Blog - As you continue to looker shinier and more hip-like, I never want to forget my roots. I love where this blog started, and I never want to stray from my original intent. I am here to provide a simple and sincere account of MY life. This isn't about the awesome blogger who got me started or the cool moms who teach me that the solution to everything is always baking soda. (It actually isn't always... so, maybe just follow the recipes and that'd be safer.) This is about who I am, what I am learning, what I love to pursue, and who I am growing to be. Dear Self - You are twenty-two years old and a 4-month-old wife. Stop expecting yourself to be more. 4-month-old babies are just learning how to roll over, so don't expect yourself to be walking, talking, and cutting out paper Santas like the 5-year-olds. Dear Day Off - Thank you for giving me an excuse to sit in my jammies past 9am, apply for substitute teaching for 2 districts in 1 day, and still have time to eat bacon wrapped venison with my Habibi. Dear Shmu - Come home soon, love. I miss you squashing my ribs in the middle of the night as you pull me towards your side of the bed. T-minus one more day until we are breaking it down gangle-style on the dance floor.
P.S. Expect many more posts about mindfulness to come. Here is an article to get you started. >> How to Slow Down Time. Last week, following the events in San Bernardino, I read this article called "When did it become a teacher's job to stop a bullet for your child?" I have been calling the same question to mind since being in the schools full-time starting this August. From several hours of ALICE training to all-school practice evacuations, districts are stressing the importance of safety on school grounds. For teachers, these threats became a part of our daily reality. At the school I currently teach at, the district is still deciding whether or not we will hold school on Wednesday after a threat was made at our high school. While some parents are choosing to keep their children home, many of us teachers are aware that although this threat may be a reminder, the danger is always there. From the article: Every time incidents of school-related violence occur, my colleagues and I think of the numerous ways we might one day have to use our bodies as barricades to protect the students whom we love dearly from potential other students whom we also love so dearly. [...] First of all, I want to state that I absolutely am of the opinion that gun violence is related to the legality of carrying and owning a firearm. I do still believe that there are factors, such as mental health, that play an important and significant role in the mass shootings I am talking about, but the fact that guns are still finding their way into the hands of so many people is alarming. The number of firearm deaths is astonishing - in 2013 the total of motor vehicle traffic deaths was 33,804 and the total of firearm deaths was 33,636. It needs to end. But really, this isn't the point I am trying to make. This isn't what brought me to post about school shootings today.
When I first knew, deep-down-in-my-soul truly knew, that teaching was my calling, was when I first met a student I only remember as "Rachel" (a fake name I used on a paper a few years ago). Rachel came from a home where each day was different, each day was potentially unsafe. Each day gave her the opportunity to feel unloved and uncared for. So I decided that although I couldn't fix everything Rachel experienced at home (but as a teacher I'd do my damnedest to try), I could be someone who cared for her for 8 hours a day. And that is what I have chosen and what I have committed to as a teacher. Every day, that looks like letting my students know they are loved, valued, and respected as human beings. Most days, that looks like making sure they get the best possible education they can. Some days, that means sending them home with food, or letting them nap in my room because they were up late picking up mom from work. And maybe one day, that will mean putting my own life at risk for one of theirs. I pray that will never happen, but I know what I have committed to.
,I am so thankful for my community and how it blesses me. This week, Sam is gone on a spiritual formation retreat (which I am stoked that he gets to go to - it sounds amazing) and it is our first time being apart since we got married over three months ago. My nerves increased as his absence grew nearer, but I have been surprised by how God & his people have been blessing me. I love my community because... ...Lexie will almost always text me to follow up when I am dealing with something difficult. ...Holland brought me a dozen organic eggs just because. ONE DOZEN! ...Jordan & Holland came and spent an evening with me so I wouldn't be alone. They even did the dishes for me after we were done eating. ...Holland stayed the night even after I mentioned my school's lice outbreak. (I don't have lice, Holland, I PROMISE!) Then, she made my bed in the morning. What a gal. ...Alexi made me these two beautiful CDs that I haven't fully listened to, but the second song starts out with just melodic piano and it makes my soul melt. Also, she wrote "I love you, Becca" on the outside, and that was just about the most wonderful thing to read today. ...SJ's most kind (and gorgeous) sister (who I currently cannot remember the name of) sold me some delicious bread at Great Harvest today and she said I was going to be a fantastic teacher. ...Anna, my pastor's wife, texted me just to check in and see how I was doing with Sam gone. ...Jordan listened to me gab about nothing on the phone while she stood outside in the freezing rain just because she knew I was lonely. ...Holland gave me a free hot chocolate at TCG & told me to cozy up. One thing I'm really coming to love about my community is that it keeps. on. growing. And not only that, but I continue to learn from my growing community. Daily, I am being reassured, that I am not the only one who struggles to be alone and desires community. We were made this way. And that is something to be grateful for. So much love for these beautiful people.
Photocredit: Anna Mateffy Hooray for lazy days with my hubband! Also, today's olive green sweater IS the same as yesterdays... Day three:
feeling: warm, comfortable, and a bit lazy. also, proud that I biked today! emoting: contentment & a bit of creative energy bubbling up inside. listening: to my husband deliberate about instrument buying/selling. it's a lifelong struggle. waiting: for dinner. bruschetta & white wine. whaaaa...? wondering: how to revamp my blog. because it's gonna happen. especially my picture. NEED NEW. dreaming: about making pumpkin chocolate chip muffins. I'll go do that in about 5 minutes. wishing: that I had a nice glass of water to drink right now. the perils of laziness. thankful: for my dear friend Jordan. she is a life to celebrate! also, probably one of the most kind/insightful/BEAUTIFUL humans I have ever met. go stroke her hair sometime, she loves it. eating: nothing. though, Sam and I did just devour some hippie honey graham crackers from the Love With Food package we got from Lily for our wedding. #bestgiftever craving: a smoothie! I saw some scrumptious looking smoothie recipes this morn that I want to try. hoping: that Sam will forgive me for the inappropriate use of lowercase letters in this post. reading: cookbooks! particularly a vegan one I have. I love the no-meat, no-dairy part, but some of the recipes are so darn complex! what happened to a good old fashioned bean burrito?! grateful: that I might get to see the one & only Alexi Rae tomorrow. hashtag holla. thinking: about sending some letters this afternoon. because that's a fun activity. I promise that the olive green sweater I am wearing today is a different one than I wore yesterday! Day two:
feeling: slightly hungry. a comfortable sort of warm. emoting: EXCITEMENT! because today I am submitting my edtpa. 2 & 1/2 of my life: right there. listening: to this beautiful EP of covers by two of my favorite voices ever! waiting: to go back to China. but also, wondering: if I would love it as much without the team that I first went with. dreaming: about walking in the woods, collecting sweet sap from trees at LCO. wishing: that I still went to UWEC and still got to see those I love at least once a week, if not once a day. also, more than anything that Molly Bray was back here because I just love her so much. thankful: for the day off! and for time to submit this beast because apparently, I am tied to my computer for 2 hours while uploading happens. also, for the opportunity to read :) eating: currently: starburst. later: the most delicious thai butternut squash soup. yum! craving: the above soup. also, goat cheese sandwiches/breakfast sandwiches from the goat. it is all I can think about when I am in Eau Claire. hoping: that Sam will forgive me for the inappropriate use of lowercase letters in this post. reading: all of Isaac's old blog posts. also, a book about the moon by H.G. Wells. hilarious. grateful: that Lexie is my friend and that she texts me and sends me delightful things in the mail. thinking: about how much I don't like unknown days like today, but also how grateful I am to just have a day to soak up being in this city I still sometimes like to call "home." So there is this temptation to become dissatisfied with who I am as a wife, woman, blogger. Because I see these other women and they have long hair and beautiful white homes and incredible talents and they have chickens and herb gardens and I am filled with envious desire. So instead of giving in to the temptation to frame my life with words and images that imitate theirs, I am going to attempt to be real. Day one: feeling: like my back hurts because I did ab ripper x for the first time in 9 months and I'm sore. emoting: anxiety because my homework is yet undone and I want my husband to come home. listening: to the sound of my drippy faucet as it has been now for five months. #worsthippie waiting: for the day when I get to be the teacher. and have my students sit in a circle. dreaming: about owning chickens. and eating the rest of my peanut butter chocolate ice cream. wishing: I could see my friends, or any type of community, more than once a week. thankful: for this beautiful home and abundance of provision and a night alone to just do & be. eating: the worst meal I've probably ever created. sauteed sweet corn and gnocci. I don't know. craving: popcorn with chocolate & sea salt caramel. so chocolate, basically. all the chocolate. hoping: that I will one day feel the confidence of a teacher with integrity. reading: a book about teachers with integrity. it is so inspiring. grateful: that I don't have to be to school until 9am tomorrow #slowmorning thinking: that it is probably time to go grocery shopping. we need eggs. (again, or chickens!) tempted to: fix my hair. cover up that zit. try smiling less freaky. turn the camera to show off my hipster coffee bag that I stole out of a dumpster. (what?). adjust the yellow lighting. so this is real.
So lately, I've been thinking long and hard and deep about what it really means to be a teacher. I've been thinking about what sort of teacher I'd like to be. I've been thinking about why on earth there are so many teachers who claim to love their jobs, but spend most waking moments complaining about that very thing. Here are the top complaints I hear from teachers: 1. administration 2. the students not "doing enough" or "trying hard enough" 3. parents who are uninvolved 4. the "cycle of curriculum" or "pendulum of thought" that we, as educators, apparently go through all of the freaking time because no one can figure out what the magical teaching cure is. Except that there are several methods that have proven to be true over the last 5 decades, but that's probably all just hogwash, so why bother trying it, because it's kind of hard, and I have a "certain way of doing things."
If there is one thing that GETS MY GOAT it is teachers that don't care. Or don't try. Or give up. Or lack the knowledge. Or lack the training. The greatest goat-getter is teachers who have given up hope. Let me say this again. If you are a teacher who has stopped hoping - get out now. Yesterday, in response to the fact that some schools have stopped teaching how to write in cursive (literally, who cares?!), I heard a teacher say "our society is doomed." Really - because kids no longer can write in cursive? I won't remark too much more on that topic, but her statement really got to me. Why is she still teaching if our society is apparently doomed? After a days and a half worth of thought I have this declaration of commitment: If education is a sinking ship, I am NOT going down with it. I will keep fighting. When all other teachers gossip, I won't give in. When other teachers nag, criticize, and blame the students, I will spend my energy seeking solutions. (While teachers talk through trainings, I will probably be in the back making snarky remarks, because that is just who I am and I'll probably still understand the information because God made my brain good. #truth) Anyway, save for that final digression, I really do. I want to be one of the good ones. So lately I have...
...failed to call my sister 3 days in a row. #oops ...been a crossing guard in the pouring rain when it is 35 degrees outside. GROSS. ...spent $15 on candy - no, not for halloween. ...decided to be Leslie Knope for halloween, and then found up we aren't allowed to dress up. ...started to emotionally disconnect from the middle school I'm working at. ...been hating the above emotional disconnection. ...felt anxiety & guilt over the fact that all other student teachers seem to be doing MORE than me. ...felt immense joy & pride when a teacher that I'm working with sat me down to tell me that I am the best student teacher they have ever seen at this school. WHAAA??!! Thanks, God. ...coffee.coffee.coffee. ...ALL THE BLANKETS! oh wait, I'm too warm. NO BLANKETS. Wait. ALL THE BLANKETS! ...black. bean. burgers. Worth Bobby's mocking words at lunch because I'm a food hippie. (Clearly Bobby doesn't know about the $15 I spent on candy. Whatever.) ...been a cryin' a lot. ...been a huggin' a lot. ...been a prayin'... not enough. But still kind of a lot. LORD Jesus, heal my broken soul. Every day. I need it. Amen. |
Archives
December 2022
I'm guessing I'll have it all figured out by the time I turn 30.
|